My two dogs: Kimba and Tux

Kimba aka Hollowface, Ugly face, dumbface, etc lives in New Orlean Lousianna. She barks at air and allows intruders to intrude. Sometimes she forget how to bark so she either chirp or squak like a crow. She made love to a tree and cheated on the tree with the ironing board. Now she is with the table, OMG you slut. She jumps on the bed and because Brandon don't let her on, he would shout "off" then kimba jumps off and jump back on again. Brandon and I decided to be patient by shouting "off" every time she jumps on the bed, but 3 hours later she still doesn't get it, we got tired and just let her get on. The worse part is that she would get really close to your face while you are sleeping and just stare at you until you wake up. You wake up to a hollow dumb face and just hope to god she will just turn smart for one second. Then she would try to jump on the couch but stupidly misses and landed on herself. It sadly took us 4 months to get her potty trained, now she doesn't shit in the house, she just shits on herself. She would randomly bring pieces of trash to you, just so you will throw it, and she can bring it back to you. You heard of dogs running into walls or biting through walls, well the wall runs into her and beats the crap out of her. You heard of dogs saving human from fire well when Brandon left the candle burning on his desk and cause a fire, Kimba just stayed asleep. Gosh if Brandy didn't come out of the bathroom in time, we would have had hot dog for dinner. Kimba's dumbness is so contagious that if I bring her up to Boston, Harvard University will no longer be an Ivy League, it will go down to community college status. Despite all these special factors about Kimba, I still love her to death, but if she infect my kids with dumbness, then that's another story.

Tux aka Obese, fat, too smart for his own good, or cow. My vet told me that he have to go on a diet, so I got this weight control dog food. I replace his Kibbles and bits with Max weight control dog food. He came up for his usual dinner, sniffed around his bowl, then stopped and stare at me. I'm like "come on boy this is for your own good." He walked away from his bowl, and look back and I swear to god if he could he flip me off. Then I decided that maybe giving him 100 percent weight control was kinda too much, so I decided to mix kibble and Bits with weigh control. He came back, but this time took a different approach. He put his paws in the bowl and start separating the kibbe and bits from the weigh control dog food and he only ate the kibble dog food. The whole time I was just staring at him with amazement and again felt like that little bastard just flipped me off once again. That is not only the amazing thing, my fucken dog only eats expensive shiet. You would think that dogs don't know price and shiet, but this dog does math in his head. I know that my family spoils the shiet out of him by buying him those expensive 15 dollar dog treats that taste like gourmet bacon and cheese. Well I went shopping at Walmart and found these dog treats that looks exactly like the treats my dad bought him, except the treat in Walmart was 5 bucks. I was like hell yea, Tux is gonna love these yummies and plus they are cheaper. So I bought them and took them home to my dog. He sniffs at them, and then looks at me and barked. His barked sounded like "are you kidding me?" Then once again flipped me off and walked away. Sigh, at first I wonder why he so picky about his food, then I realize that my dad is a professional chef, and then my question is no longer a question