Are Men Turning into Women

I was in the pediatric clinic last week and saw this cute little boy getting his check up. The doctor took his pants off to describe his body parts, "this is your testicle, it's what makes you a boy." As I stare at the ceiling wondering if that is what really makes him a boy, a guy, or a man? We grew up with knowledge that a boy has a penis and a girl has a vagina and boobs, but does that really define our gender? I thought the testosterone in a guy would make him dominant, emotionless, and in control, whereas a women's estrogen would render her helpless and emotional. Scientifically this would be correct, but reality have shat over years of delicate research.

So as a women I know that we want what we can't have, and we play hard to get, but why are men doing it these days. There is this guy that I don't pay much attention to, and because of that he was trying to get my attention. I thought he was nice and thoughtful, so I decided to be nice and pay some attention to him, I don't want to give him all of it because I do have a lover. Once I give that boy an ounce of attention, he started acting obnoxious, so I decided to ignore it and go on with my own business, after all I was just being nice. After ignoring him for a couple of days, he kept annoying me with messages and  phone calls to the point that  I just had enough of all this nonsense. I have a lover back home and I'm a busy women, but this man begins to talk to me like the same way a desperate women would talk to an unattainable man. I swear it was like talking to one my girlfriends trying to pour her feelings out. I was wondering if it was the island that makes people go crazy, so I decided to test this out with another man. There is this other guy, very tall and buff, pretty good looking. Same thing happened, except less annoying. He would only notice me if I don't give a crap, but if i give one ounce of crap, he would act like he don't care. To me this is just funny, childish crap that teenage girls play all the time. I wouldn't say I'm mad, but intrigue that society has label our gender based on organs where in fact everybody don't even play the part.

I decided to be a gentleWOMEN and break it down to the woMEN, that I am very busy and focus, and don't have time for such games. I realize by saying that, hormones were flying left to right, phone calls, messages, and all that crazy jazz that a usual woman would do to a man who just broke her heart, but I nevertheless remain calm and emotionless, and ignore everything. As I was changing out of my scrub, I looked in the mirror and realize something wasn't right. I may have thick eyeliners, well-defined eye brows, luscious wavy hair, and a victory secret bra underneath my scrubs, but I don't feel like a women. Can it be possible that I have turned into a man and not realize it?? 

Holding on to a thread

Hey everybody, this past few weeks have been very stressful. I have exams and projects due from left to right. Medical school and Business school are totally killing me and sucking every energy out of my little body. It was so bad to the point that I was able to create weird ass scenarios about what would happen if I failed. For example, during the week of our microbiology lab exam, me and bunch of students were waiting for our turn to perform the procedure in front of the professor. My friends and I got one point taken away for asking the professor to clarify something on the exam. One point may not seem like a big deal, but when you are at the moment of the exam, it means the world to you. Some weird sequential ideas started forming in my head: "oh shiet, one point loss means more points loss, more points loss means failing microbiology lab, which leads to failing microbiology, and that means failing medical school. If I fail medical school I will end up living with my parents, and they will have every control over my life including who I will marry. Since my parents love retarded guys, they will set me up with someone retarded. Then me and this retarded person will have retarded kids name ching chong chang kong wong. Do you want a retarded kid name Ching Chong Chang Kong Wong??" After that nasty thought, my heart started racing in the speed of light, my hands trembling, my eyes were wide open, and it felt like a train was coming towards me and my foot was caught in the cracks of the rail road track. I then realize this was a classic symptom of a panic attack, I walked towards the corner to compose myself, I kept repeating back and forth that maybe a retarded kid wouldn't be so bad. As the professors called our names, my partner and I went to face our doom. Luckily, he was brave enough to start the procedure first while I keep my heart rate and whatever vital sign under control. I started looking for alternative scenarios, and the best one I came up with is: "If I fail I will just shit my pants in front of everyone so that no one, not even a fugly retard would want to marry me, and then I wouldn't have a retarded kid name Ching Chong Chang Kong Wong." After my partner was done with his procedure, I did my procedure and was happy to say we got a 90 percent :).

After the success of my micro lab I was feeling really good about myself, I think I might give birth to a smart kid name Lucas that will go to Harvard. I went home and check my "todo list," I have a behavioral science exam on Friday and Business Finance final on Saturday. I also have three or four essays for business school due in two days and it was Tuesday, and I can feel Lucas disappearing from my head, and that scary ass retarded kid entering my brain. I decided to study for behavioral science, but my mind wasn't on the subject, I was busy thinking about what sexual position will my parents make me do with the retarded guy they will set me up with since they will have every control over my life if I fail. Then I look up at facebook and saw an article my friend was reading. The article was about this beautiful eighteen year old Japanese girl in Singapore who committed suicide after she realize she failed her exams. I was curious and decided to look her up and found her blog. Apparently, she failed an important exam which prevented her from getting into one of those prestigious schools in Singapore. A lot of people were commenting saying stuff like "if you fail it isn't the end of the world, there are other things out there, you shouldn't have taken you life." I was utterly shock because my friends think that I go through the extreme for an exam (retarded kid and controlled sex life), but this Japanese girl takes it to another level. I find this very intriguing, so I kept reading about her. It looks like she has a normal, healthy social life with her friends, so it's obvious that after she failed her exams, her friends are there to support her. It's also obvious that her friends would say stuff like "oh it's just an exam don't let it run your life, there are better things out there." Therefore it is a waste of time for these weird blog reader to be commenting stuff that this girl has probably heard a billion trillion times. Her blog shows that she was a very intelligent well spoken girl with impeccable beauty, which is why I can't stop thinking about her. I look down on my notes and notice something that Dr. B said in lecture. My eyes were fixed to the word "Learned Helplessness," where in experimental trials rats were constantly given negative stimuli such as shocks and were not allow to avoid and escape the stimulus. As a result, the rats became depress and unresponsive, however if these rats were given antidepressant, they will continue to look for an escape. I look up at her picture and stare into her eyes, and felt her story streaming through my head. I felt her pain, her agony, and her anxiety, the thought that your constantly trying but no matter how hard you try you don't make it. It's really sad, makes me wonder what if this girl was given antidepressant, would that have helped her, would that have motivated her to keep on trying despite the odds? It also made me wonder if antidepressant does keep these rats motivated, would one of the rats be smart enough to devise an escape route. For example, that rat would be like, if the scientist comes back and opens the little door, let's jump and attack him so we can get out of here. Hmmm, I guess we should not take those little chemicals in our brain for granted, it is after all what keeps us motivated despite the constant torture that life puts on us.

I took my behavioral science exam and felt pretty lame, how can I not know when a girl has her first period, and yet I was very knowledgeable about when a guy experience his first ejaculation. I'm sure it wasn't embarrassing when I kept pestering my classmates for the answer on that question, sometimes I have to understand that once an exam is over, it's over you can't make anymore changes. For some strange reason I keep thinking I have these magical powers that can magically transform the answers on the scantron. After finding out a girl starts her period around 11, I felt bad for choosing 12, maybe because it's closer to when I have my period. My doctor did say I was a late bloomer, and this exam does no justice to my self-esteem. It didn't matter, what's done is done, since I have no telepathic powers to change the answers on my scantron, I decided to concentrate on my business final. I haven't been studying for that final like I was suppose to, and I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that I only needed 30 percent on the exam to past the course. I told myself straight up not to procrastinate because my future depends on it. Here is how I study for the dreaded business exam: 1)went to the bathroom and took a one hours shit because I want have a clear bowel before studying this. finance is a hard subject you can't take that shiet for granted. 2) talk to friends on facebook for 3 hours. My girl is going through guy trouble, I can't leave her hanging that's wrong 3) took two hours to cook something and eat it, you can't study on an empty stomach 3) took another one hour shiet, remember clear bowel equals to clear mind 4) jump on the bed for one hour, I have to keep my heart beat up and the adrenaline going so I can be motivated and energize when I study 5) Brew the tea, I love to study with earl grey, it's the bomb 6) drink earl grey while watching some reality tv show for an hour. I gotta keep my brain active before studying, and tv does the trick.

After all that I decided to sit down and study, and the only thing I wrote was: D1/(sr-g), and I have no freaken clue what that means. I look at the time and was like, damn I think I should just go to bed, it's late and nothing is absorbing in my head. The next day I went to take my exam, and the whole time I was like "wtf, wtf, wtf," then I slowly calm myself down and started actually talking to myself: "Hilda you know this material, you worked hard on this, remember all the time you took during break rushing to finish your homework half hour before it was due. Remember those spread sheet projects that you were doing during microbiology lab while waiting for the professor to let you go. Don't forget those essays you wrote while you were on the toilet pushing Mr. Hankey out, you can do it!!!" Well my lazy ass manage to get a 46 percent on the final, and I think I past the course with an 82 percent. My parents call to ask how I did on my business final and this was our conversation:

dad: how did you do on your business finance

me: I got a 46 percent on the final and my overall grade is around an 82 percent

mom: wtf is wrong with you, I have a degree in finance and I expect you to do way better than that

me: Ching Chong Chang Kong Wong

After my stress full week, I decided to catch up on some charity work called Value MD. Value MD was a life saver for me. It's a forum dedicated for potential medical students who want to learn more information about offshore medical school. After failing the MCAT verbal a bunch of times, I remember all my friends and family told me to give up on being a doctor. They said stuff like "maybe it's not meant to be, not everyone can be doctors," I remember how hurtful those words were, but luckily this forum contains offshore medical students with a lot of information about these schools. These students are dedicated in helping other achieve their goals in becoming physicians. They provided me with a lot of vital information and advice about going to these school. Now that I am one of those students who securely made it to a medical school, I decided to dedicate my time in helping other pre-med students get into a medical school. I also offer my insight and advice on how to study and what to look out for. People always ask me why I waste my time on the forum, well I have my reasons and this is the main one. We all know that Einstein once failed math in third grade, and yet he manage to become one of the most influential people in the science world. Well what if we have one of those late bloomer idiot pre-med students who wasn't that smart in undergrad, but have the potential to discover the cure for cancer or HIV. Unfortunately, he decided not to pursue medical school  because his stupid friends and family told him he wouldn't make it. Now we lose out on someone who can create a cure for cancer, and my future son who might have cancer will lose out on the treatment, and I will blame you mother fuckers for that. I said to myself, hell no, we are not going to lose out on someone who can potentially discover a cure for cancer or even HIV. Let's say I provided encouragement to this undergraduate pre-medical student who did shietty in his mcat or fucked up his GPA because he was a fucken late bloomer. Through my encouragement and insight he or she will take on the offshore medical school and become a doctor. During medical school he will probably turn smart for some reason because the brain works in mysterious ways, and he might end up creating a cure for cancer. Years later my son or someone I love is diagnose with cancer, but thank god that kid went to medical school and discovered a cure. Then my kid or someone I love is cure from cancer, and I can live my happy life. Moral of the story is I will not let you mother fuckers mess up cancer treatment all because you have no fucken faith in others becoming a doctor.   

A New Beginning

                                                             

Hey everybody sorry for my absence in the blogging world. I checked my blogger stats and was surprise to see that everybody still check for my updates. I felt horrible for leaving everyone waiting with anticipation. I told myself to stop blogging during med school because of the course load, but I realize that I can’t stop blogging. It’s horrible to know that there’s so much going on in life, but no one to share it with. I realize how much I miss blogging and talking to all my readers that I decided to start updating again, and replying to everyone else. You guys probably wonder what happen to me or what I’m doing right now, so I’m going to give you guys an awsome summary:

Before jumping in the plane to an Island that I have no idea about, I remember eating lunch with my friends and family. Everyone has warned me about the consequences of living in an island. I receive one of the most outrageous warnings such as cannibals lurking in every corner waiting to devour tourists to acidic hurricane that can burn ashes through your skin. I didn’t take any of these warning seriously, after all they came from old Asian people trying to imitate the wise old man with the long white beard. Well I believe wisdom comes from experience not from age old philosophy or trying to act wise. I ignore all their warnings and hop onto the plane to my destination, Medical school in the island.

When I arrive to the island, I stupidly looked around to check if there were any actual cannibals, but thank god there weren't. The island was not what I expected, it looked nothing like the brochure, kinda reminded me of New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina. Part of me was extremely frighten and kept repeating "go home, and listen to the wise man pretending to have the long white beard."  but the curious part of me screams “yay Jacky Chan Adventures.” Walking around the island was like walking in those shady allies of Bangkok. I had to pretend that I was a ninja or Jacky Chan searching for criminal masterminds behind those rusty doors in order to suppress my fears and anxiety. I was curious as to what I was getting myself into. A billion questions were spinning around my head like: what can I possibly learn in this place? Will I get kidnap and be sold as a sex slave? Are there such things as cannibals?

The wise man and my friends warn me  that knowledge and experience should be gain at known territories, like your own home. However, I was too compelled to explore beyond the little world I have in California. As time goes by, maybe two semester later, this underdeveloped island kind of grew on me. I was not afraid of the allies or the locals anymore, I walked down the streets alone and with confidence, maybe because of my trusty pepper spray. I lived in Boston before, where everyone walks around with a deadline and no one cares to stop to smile or lend a helping hand. The vagabonds were always hiding somewhere behind the busy Boston streets hoping to snag some poor ladies' purse. In the island, the locals are different, they were always eager to help and to brighten up your day. Everyone knows everyone so it's kind of difficult to get away with murder. I wasn't use to the welcoming atmosphere because of the mean streets from the east coast, but I eventually gave in to the island's charm.

As for the medical school, it became a blessing in disguise. I remember in the US, the teachers emphasize on    whether a students is born with the academic gift or not. They praise gifted students and tell regular or failing students to give up on their dreams. I guess that is why a lot of determined students from my old undergrad institute gave up on becoming a pharmacist or a dentist. It's all because of the nice little word from the school counselor that they should not waste their time. Fortunately, the teaching style in the island was completely different. We experience something called "tough love", where professors actually push you to work harder, and to keep your dreams alive. They grill you with questions that only a pH.D level candidate or an establish MD can answer. All you can do is try to logic it out and hope you get it right or close to right so you don't get humiliated in class. At first, the humiliation seems very unsettling, but at the end it helps you realize that a dream is worth fighting for. I notice that a lot of students here are eager to become physicians no matter the cause. Some have to strive harder due to academic difficulties, but they still didn't give up, and that right there deserve a million respect. Unlike the US institution where an F means failure in life, here in the island, an F means to "fight" harder for your dream.

Before I leave, I would like to share a memorable quote form my favorite book:

"Life is a storm, my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes. You must look into that storm and shout as you did in Rome. Do your worst, for I will do mine."

 ~The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas

Summer love in California

As I lay down flat on my semi-clean carpet, I gazed straight up at the ceiling overwhelm with the thought that I have to pack for my trip back to Texas. My clothes were scattered all over the floor creating a pile exemplifying Mt Everest. Soda cans, beer bottles, and cups of tea were left rotting on my expensive shiny hard wood desk. It's a shame that I spent the whole summer imitating the useless couch potato/bum wasting the days in my room staring at the lighting on the ceiling. It's 2 am in the morning and I only have a couple of hours to pack all my clothes, make up, hair product, accessories, electronics, and shoes. I definitely need two extra days to pack whatever mess I have, but for some reason I'm not concerned about the shortage of time caused by my useless procrastination. I'm too busy fixated on connecting the dots between the cascade of lights shimmering on the ceiling. As I close my eyes in this dimly lit room, I drifted off in a multi-dimensional state traveling back in time where the plane landed late at night towards Oakland California, which marks the beginning of my summer vacation in cali.

It was quite a refreshing change, going from hot humid Texas to the cool crisp night of California, but the morning, evening, and afternoon were dreadfully hot minus the humidity. On the way home, I was forming a "to do" list in my head, hoping to accomplish the world this summer. Unfortunately, I could barely accomplish anything during my stay. The first thing I did, was turn on my computer and check facebook. Facebook has became a habit and an addiction for me, it was a way for me to talk to the world. I look through my facebook messages and notice a message from the past. Two years ago, I was suppose to meet someone for dinner, but never seem to get the chance due to my busy schedule. Now that I'm free, I shall take the time to meet this person. I had an awsome lunch date with him, he turned out to be an amazing friend and a mentor to me.

It makes me wonder why people would delete their facebook accounts. People often complain that facebook elicit unnecessary drama and leaks too much information out to strangers. In the past, yes, facebook was too public, but now there are new features that allow us to choose what we want others to know and what we want to be left private. In addition facebook is a major tool for us to meet new people without leaving the comfort of our own home. What can I say, I met one of my future medical school classmates in my pajamas while staring at the tv. If it weren't for facebook or any chat forums, I would had to pack my bags, and fly to different states in the US, and ask for any students who are going to the same school that I will be going to. This would take forever, and by the time I meet someone, school would have started.

As I flip through everyone's page, I was so excited to see that all my friends have wonderful plans for the summer and are not stuck at home like me. My facebook addiction continues as I chat with my friends, unfortunately, I had to cut my chat short to visit family friends. I miss visiting childhood friends, they are the people who you grew up and do stupid things with. I know that life is about a long journey, and a lot of times you tend to steer off in a distance doing your own thing, leaving your friends and family behind, but it's great to come together once in awhile to catch up on things. I was excited to meet them, I can't wait to reunite and share stories about our lives and experiences. But the happy image and thoughts I had in my head did not go the way I planned. I was shock to find out that everyone has change to the point of making snarky, jealous comments about me. The conversation was very discouraging and rude, I couldn't believe I was once friends with them. Their smurky, arrogant attitude reeks havoc everywhere, but I nevertheless focus on the time we had when we were young laughing, smiling, and playing little games in the forest during a sunset that reflects dim blueish violet color light on a field of roses. Now that life has changed us, the memories of friendship, hugs, kisses, and the idea of never leaving each other's side had all disappear and reformed into hate and jealousy.

I came back, holding on to old memories and selectively dumping the new ones, but nevertheless glad to know that everyone is doing fine despite the malevolent comments. I came back with a semi-bittersweet smile, but immediately turned pure sugar sweet when my dog ran inside the house. His bear-like claws clamped onto my shoulders as his wolfish, shabby figure greeted by his friendly slobbers made me realize that I have another childhood friends that actually loves and adores me. Then I notice his neck, it was constantly cocked to one side. I was extremely worry about my four-legged friend, that I took him to the vet the following day. The doctor diagnosed him with an ear infection, his ears had clumps of wax and fox tail stuck in there. They had to keep him in the hospital for a couple of hours to extract the fox tail and clumps of wax. It took forever to put my dog in the cage, he was scared and unfortunately fast at the same time, resulting in many failed attempts in closing the cage door. After one successful attempt, the vet and the techs were relief, but I felt guilty. He kept barking and howling as I walk away, leaving me with a trail of guilt. Then again if his ears were left infected, it could perforate his ear drum, leaving him deaf and unable to hear the beautiful sound of life again. I had to hold my strength and walk out of petsmart with my head held high that I'm doing the right thing so my dog will not be deaf.

After a few hours, I picked up my dog, and notice that the poor thing could hardly walk. He was extremely tired from the anesthesia so I had to carry his 60 pound dog ass to the car. I finally made it home, and when I took a glimpse at the back seat, I notice the poor thing was too tire to even care that we're home. I gave out a huge sigh, and open the car door, and once again had to use my whole strength and drag him from the car to the garage, and into the house. I accidentally stepped on one of his squeaky toys and woke him up from his nap. he instantly open his eyes, stand up, and wagged his tail at the speed of light. He grabbed his squeeky toy and spun in circles hoping that I will play with him. Little did he know, I was boiling inside, "I can't believe you are actually awake now, I had to drag your fat ass from petsmart to the car, and from the car to the house, what do you have to say for yourself." He had his head down sadly with one eyes open with a very apologetic look. I can't stay mad at my dog for a long time, he has a way of making me forget. I turned my direction towards the tv, hoping that something good will be on. I look back at my dog and notice he was fighting the anesthesia effects on his body. He was trying to stay awake so he can play with his toys, but his eyes have a mind of their own. They were slowly closing while he bravely fight his war, but eventually lost. His body gave in quickly and he sadly collapse on the carpet and fall soundly asleep. I can't help but peacefully smile as I place a light blanket on top of his exhausted body. I decided to stay in the house for the day to take care of him and to review some material for school. I received some awsome text message, an invite to San Francisco Japan town with all my friends :)

The next day, I checked on my dog to make sure he was fine. Afterwards, I head off to my friends' place preparing for a fun trip to SF. We made our way to Japan town and witness an anime festival with little shops everywhere. One of the shops caught my attention,they were selling these little clay deserts/food mini sculptures. These clay look so adorable and life-like that it's extremely tempting to eat them. I end up buying two phone charm and a friendship necklace. I hope I don't get hungry and eat them. I can tell that the artist is very meticulous about details, it's impressive that she made these little delicious looking clay sculptures all on her own. I can't keep my eyes off of them, but I had to, so I wouldn't lose my friends among the crowded streets.

My friends and I made our way towards some of the stores. As I'm walking around the stores, gazing and touching all the merchandise, I can't help but feel like I'm in a different universe. I guess maybe because I'm not that knowledgeable about the Japanese culture, but I always find it very fascinating how Japan is one of the most "talked about" cultures in the US.

If you have ever been to Barnes and Nobles or Border, you will notice a huge section dedicated to Mangas and Japanese magazines. If you have ever been to comicon that only happens once a year in San Diego, you will witness that halloween is not the only day to wear costumes. Apparently, Japanese culture has become so big to the point that fans will dress up as their favorite characters for the anime conventions which happens frequently throughout the year. Fans are so die heart that they are able to replicate the characteristics and appearance of their favorite anime. It's amazing that fans are able to expand the popularity of the Japanese culture through anime. I only been to one convention, but only as a photographer so I never dressed up. It's like walking into another world, where the limitations in reality does not exist anymore. It's kind of funny, but I think some would say this culture is a way for people to escape the every day changes and stress that occurs in life. Think about it, in many japanese shows, movies, and mangas, the main character is always smart, popular, beautiful, handsome, and powerful, and in real life, it's very unrealistic for anyone to possess all these attributes. That is why it would be pleasurable to escape limitation and become someone else that has all the admirable qualities.

Then again once you take off your costume, you are back in realty where everything is what it is. But either way, I'm glad to have awsome friends who are on the same boat as me, dreading life's obligations and expectations.

I suddenly opened my eyes, and notice it's 5 am in the morning and I only have a couple of hours to pack all my crap in the luggage. I rushed around like a chicken with her head cut off and barely got everything packed. My parents drove me to the airport as I sat behind the car thinking about all my friends and how much I love them. As I stare at the clouds, I notice a swarm of birds in the sky, oh how I envy their freedom to fly and go wherever they want. Then I look at myself sadly sitting behind two adults who desire and lust for strong dominant control over my life. I fear that my parents' obsession over me could turn into something incestuous, that is why I'm thankful for my trip to Texas to visit my fiance, and my education in another country. My dad ask me for the boarding time, I looked at my boarding past, and it says 4, but I told him 3. He got to the airport, nearly too late for anyone who had to board at 3. He had a grin on his face with high hopes that I don't make it to Texas, but little did he know, I made a big fat lie. As I grab my luggage and place it on the cart, I looked back, and realize that even though they are very damaged people, but whether I like it or not, they are my parents. Hopefully time and distance will get rid of everything disgusting and taboo. I'm willing to suffer and work through everything with them due to the fact that I will never forget the good old days when we were poor and had to work hard together in hopes that one day we could live a better life.

Asians Breaking into the Industry

Before youtube, talent and passion were nowhere to be found in the equation. The definition of an "artist" was someone who is attractive and is acquainted with big industry folks. Therefore, leaving so many artist with potential to inspire sadly unnoticed. This dilemma was common among Asian artist whose soft-spoken timid stereotypical personality have rendered them helpless and defeated despite their great talent and work ethics. It was so rare to find Asian artists in the big screen to the point that if we were fortunate enough to find one, the normal response would be to rush towards our laptops, and anxiously search for his or her identity. Fortunately, that was just the past, and the future provides us with new opportunities through the phenomenon of youtube. This time, fame is not about having a hot booty or who you know, it's about what you can bring to the table. Thanks to Youtube, Asian artists can now be judge for their work, talent, and passion. This ultimately leads to the rise in well-known individuals or groups such as: Wongfu productions, Kevin Jumba, Niga Higa, Jason Chen, and of course the upcoming talent

Brian Lee (a.k.a BeLeeve)

The beautiful, humble, and yet sensational Kina Granis on the left and upcoming music and film artist Brian Lee on the right.

I ask Brian for his opinion about the future for Asians-American in the industry. He gave me a very informative idea of what we should expect in the future:

“I feel that YouTube has been the "go-to platform" for not just Asian-Americans who want to display their talent, but for all people who share an interest in sharing their passion and love for the craft they do.

Yes, Asian-Americans have been typecast in the Entertainment Industry. Before the time of Bruce Lee, Asian-Americans were never shown on screen, but now we've been typecast as kung-fu warriors, asian mafia (triads), or the comedy factor.

Granted all of that, I'm starting to see more incorporating of Asian actors into roles, but there is still no sign of Asian-Americans being cast into a leading role unless a film is of Asian-American Interest

One of the pioneering actors is Ken Jeong from the Hangover series. He's really funny, but he gets typecast into being the same character in every movie even in Transformers:Dark of the Moon

YouTube does however allow for social commentary to be expressed that wouldn't usually be expressed otherwise. Look at Timothy De La Ghetto. He addresses issues of Asian American interest, but does so in a way that is funny, makes a point, but shouldn't be taken too seriously.

Also, the pool of Asian-American talent is endless on YouTube. Singer/ Songwriters like David Choi, Kina Grannis, Jane Lui, and AJ Rafael along with many others have been able to breakthrough into different fan bases in different countries. That being said, Asian-American artists, especially on YouTube look to be accepted for just being "artists" without having to fit within a mold of being "Asian-American" because in the end, that's only a part of who "we" are."

I was very impress with Brian's views about this whole concept, and with his permission I decided to show you:

A True Artists at Work

Excellent guitar skills, meaningful eye contact, very melodic vocals, and dominant rapping skills. Don't believe me, I will just let the music speak for itself

BeLeeve- Shadow (Original)

"Call me Mr been there done that, top model chick to your every day hood rat. Less than all, but more than a few, but I never met one like you" ~Neyo

Ne-yo- One In A Million (Cover)

What changes do you think will take place for Asian-American Artist in the future?

Women say one thing, but mean another

This probably sounds really cliche, but it's so damn true. Even as a woman, I can truly admit that at times I say one thing but mean another. For example, I tell my parents how smart they are all the time, when in fact we all know they are idiots. Whenever my lover talks to another girl, I reassure him that I'm not jealous, but I'm actually boiling inside. This whole cliche is understandable, it keeps everyone happy and lowers the level of drama in the house, but is it really acceptable when it comes picking the perfect man.

From the day we all graduated from school and enter the real world, we created a recipe of what we want in a man. A lot of my girlfriends all have the same ingredients (tall, handsome, charming, career-driven, rich, smart, sensitive, understanding, and funny) to create the perfect batch of cupcakes. Unfortunately, they all end up with everything opposite of what they wanted: short, ugly, disgusting, career that makes a dollar a day, stupid, mean, oblivious, and boring. I don't know whether to feel happy or lied to so I took the initiative to ask some of my girlfriends, "why go for something that is not your cup of tea?"

The usual response is: "I can't find Mr. right, so might as well get whatever I can get." I felt sympathetic for them, juggling career, life, and trying to find the perfect man isn't an easy thing to do. I often wonder why it's so hard for them to find the qualities that they were looking for in the beginning, practically all my male friends have these qualities that are way better than the guys my friends were dating. This weird concept of settling plaques me because I don't believe in settling. I believe in "true love," and I know it shouldn't be that hard to find. Since this is only a one-sided story I decided to get some perspective from the other side.

I asked a couple of Mr. Rights and Mr. Perfect aka: "the proper ingredients," as to what they want in a girl. They all have the similar requirements: she must be cute and nice. There are other requirements, but cute and nice are the most sought after. I was like "you got to be kidding me, those type of girls are all around you," then again they're not. Apparently, these guys have made the initiative to talk to those girls with the written recipes, but were sadly rejected from the cupcake batch. I find it strange that Mr. Right and Mr. Perfect could be so harshly rejected whereas Mr. ugly and Mr. disgusting were promptly accepted. This really doesn't make sense, all this time I thought women wanted prince charming.

Does anyone out there wanna comment on this problem. As of now, I do not sympathize with any ladies out there claiming that they can't find Prince Charming, bull shiet

Is Wine Tasting for the Birds??

As a former bartender, I have to admit, there are times I wonder why people love alcohol so much. Aside from the fact that it looks colorful and sparkly, but alcohol taste bitter and acidic. It makes you feel crappy the next day, aka: hang over and vulnerable during a good buzz. And don't get me started about wine, I see rich folks crowding in Napa valley sipping their sauvignon cabernet or blancs, swirling their drink clockwise, and capturing every aroma that escape through the air. I did the exact same thing to every wine that they presented me and they all taste and smell the same. How in the world do these folks come up with these abstract description for each wine they tasted. Wine is so bitter to the point where I have to mix a good amount of my own saliva to block out the bitter taste.

I always hear these pretentious folks blabbering about how wine is an acquired taste. "Bull shiet!!" even I make the same arrogant comment to make myself appear well-informed and dignified, when in fact I want to puke. I know what the real purpose of wine tasting is for and I'm not afraid to blurt it out. Rich folks use wine tasting as an event to get to know other rich folks. I guess this could be advantageous, wine tasting allows you to start a conversation and slowly lead to somewhere profitable. The thing that confuses me the most are folks my age. I see people in their twenties pretending to be "high class" or well-informed about the drinking scene. Why do they need to be ostentatious, I can clearly see their Rolex and Louie V is fake as hell. There is no way any rich business officials would do business with them with or without the knowledge of wine. I guess that is also advantageous, it help boost young individual's confident about their lack of everything in life.

So here I am, the person who use to mix alcohol, served the wine, and provides the best bull shiet introduction to each exquisite drink, is still wondering the meaning behind alcohol. I'm going to flat out admit this: I don't know anything about wine, drinks, cocktails, etc I just memorized what they want me to say or do, so I sound legit, that is how I got paid. How in the world can one truly appreciate alcohol, when it taste so strange and bitter? I realize that for me, wine is truly appreciated when food is present. If you take a bite out of some lamb chops and gulp down some red wine, it takes the flavor to another level. For some strange reason, red wine goes extremely well with red meat. It accentuates the flavor of the meat and loses it's bitterness at the same time.

White wine brings out the flavor in lobsters, shrimp, and fish. I guess in some ways I do appreciate wine, but that's only if the right food is present. So the main question is, "is wine tasting for the birds?" I would not say anything about birds, but I think wine tasting is for someone with a motive. My motive is to find the wine that can bring out the flavor in whatever I'm munching on :), what is yours?

How Poop and Fart saved my life

Holy cow I haven't blogged in a awhile. Gosh, I feel bad, I blame my asian parents, they been driving me crazy with their stupidity and neediness. I wonder how I would ever survive my household without my friends there to cheer me up. Life is depressing, if your life is anything like mine, you will notice that your own family is your Achilles heels. They say the craziest and meanest things that gets deep into your heart and slowly eats away your soul. Those are your parents, so you can't do anything about it. they gave you life and they are trying to take it away without going to jail. This is exactly why you see so many suicidal kids, parents are doing a good job killing them legally. If you are one of those unfortunate individuals with a messed up household, you might be asking yourself, "how can I come out without any psychological damage?" It's very simple and the only topic that will keep you from slitting your wrist, is none other than POOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Poo is such an awsome topic, it fills my day with joy when my friends took a big dump in the toilet, but can't flush it all the way down. It makes me forget the stressful part of my life, knowing that my friends are anxiously flushing that toilet a billion times hoping for that lucky flush to push the little bastard through the hole. Little did they know that by flushing it so many times will only make it worse. I get even more excited when I hear them frantically plunging the toilet with water splashing everywhere. Then they catch a sigh of relief when the water went all the way down, so they flush it again, and to no avail, Mr hankee surf the wave towards the top. As I listen for their reaction, all my worries and life's mishaps flew away and I find myself in pure joy and ecstasy. I would hear clutters and clashes from my worrisome friend in search of the holy grail known as strong perfume or febreeze. Then after the arduous search, and the strong spray, I hid behind the walls and watch as they exit the bathroom, looking left to right as if they were crossing a busy intersection.

The only problem is I can't always enjoy the excitement of a clogged toilet, my depression will only return after my parents open their mouth. How do I survive their insane verbal and psychological abuse? Well it's simple, every time they open their god awful mouth with a slight grin for evilness, I just lift up my ass, and fart across the room. My parents would gag and laugh, and the best part is, they forget what they were gonna say. I was also crowned the queen of gas and the queen of breaking their toilets :)

If it weren't for poop and farts, I would have died a long time ago. Verbal, emotional, and psychological abuse can really destroy everything that makes you an individual. I have experience abuse from parents, teachers, students, and even strangers, but after all that, it feels so good to come home to a good fart. And of course awsome group of friends and the love of my life "you know who you are ;) "

BTW: This post is not meant to make anyone worry to the point of calling social service, I'm already an adult so they probably wouldn't do shiet hahha. This post is to encourage teens out there that suicide is not the answer. There are methods out there that can help mitigate the awful parenting situation at home, and this happens to be one of them. Remember if you ever feel like a dark cloud of negativity around you, just look for a way to laugh and be happy :)

APRS is a Powerful, Contagious Disease That must be Stopped

Let me tell you about this horrible disease my parents have. This disease is so incurable, it makes cancer look like a flu. You can have one of the best doctors and scientist from Harvard, Yale, Stanford in a lab, and I can still guarantee you that they will never discover a cure. I know scientist have spend many hours researching, manipulating, and splicing complex genes to find the critical source of this disease, but there's no hope. It's been so many years, and no one has found the cure, and it's spreading at the speed of light. This horrendous disease that plague all our love ones is none other than the Asian Parents Retarded Syndrome (APRS), it's extremely contagious, it leaves your parents needy, annoying, and stupid.

You don't believe me, well I'm happy to show you some dumbass conversations.

My dad, the Fashion Guru

Dad bought me this purse that looks like light vomit/diarrhea. I kindly accepted the gift and compliment it to make him happy :)

dad: Hey Hilda I got you this expensive $200 bag

me: oh thanks, it looks really nice, you are very good at picking fashionable things

mom: Hilda, don't lie to your dad, you know it looks like a bag that a blind 78 year old woman would carry around her arm

me (whispers to mom): I know, I don't want to hurt his feelings

dad: You know what, I'm a fashion expert, I know what looks good and not, and frankly Hilda, I don't like what you are wearing. I don't like your boots, your shorts, and your shirt, it's not good enough. If you listen to me, you will be beautiful.

My parents know how to be generous and get what they want

We were at 99 ranch store, an Asian supermarket filled with asians :)

Mom: hey Hilda do you like this rice cooker

me: huh, I don't know, it's $50

Mom: Yea but do you like it

me: I don't know, I guess

Mom: Then I'm going to buy it

dad: why are you buying a $50 rice cooker?

mom: Hilda wants it really really bad. We should buy whatever our kids want because it shows we are good parents.

dad: Hey umm Hilda what do you think about this box of mangos

me: it's $30

dad: do you like it

me: I don't know, I guess

dad: then we are buying it. See we are wonderful parents, we buy whatever our kid want.

APRS spread to another parent

another parent: Hey Hilda I was wondering if you want to go watch the fireworks with me in the park

me: umm I'm kind of tired, no thank you

another parent: look it's really beautiful firework

mom: Oh wow, we should really go

another parents: I know because Hilda wants to go really bad. Yea that's it, Hilda we are only going to the park to see fireworks because you really wanted to go

me: ummm, I don't remember saying that

mom: i agree, let's go because Hilda wants to

me: hold up, if you guys want to go see fireworks, then you should go regardless of what I think.

another parents: oh you mistaken, I don't care for fireworks, I see it all the time

mom: exactly, fireworks are very common, we want to go because you want to witness it

me: I did?? why am I not aware of it

Dressing conservatively

mom: I really wish you wear less clothes

me: I don't think it's a good idea

mom: why

me: I'm just being respectful, I don't want to wear tight skimpy clothes in front of the family

mom: why not

me: it's a sign of disrespect for the asian community. Wouldn't you think it would be a dishonor to get molested by your own family member

mom: I guess, but I think it be a good idea for you to wear less clothes in front of family, and more clothes in front of your own boyfriend and friends.

me: hell no, i will be a social outcast

mom: your friends are more likely to rape you, ya know

me: yea I'm sure that is in Megan and Laura's "to do" list

mom: but sexy clothes in front of family shows your are beautiful

me: and ready to fuck right :)

mom: why is everythng about sex for you

me: "smiles," just know that I love and respect you mom, even though you make it hard for

me to do so sometimes

The Gardener kills dogs

me: I notice the gardener is here more often, does he have time for our neighbor?

mom: oh we forgot to tell you, he put some weird chemicals in their garden, and it killed their

dog. They said something about law suit or whatever, but he's not working for them anymore

me: aren't you guys concern that he could kill our dog

dad: nah, nobody can kill tux, he's indestructible. The good part is, the gardener can spend more time on our garden, isn't that great.

me: hmmm, you're not the least bit concern about what happened to the neighbor's dog

dad: nope, tux is glued to you 24/7, it wouldn't be a problem

me: not if tux goes poo

mom: I'm sure he will be fine, you know how overly zealous our neighbors are about their pets, a dead dog equals to a law suit, people these days take things too seriously.

me: You notice how practically all our neighbors own dogs and they don't use this particular gardener that we use. Does that by any chance mean anything to you guys??

dad: dude, did you see our neighbor's german shepherd, they look so cool

By the way

Go Gaga for Fashion

Lady gaga's fashion sense takes bizarre to another level. Her outfits are mind blowing and addicting at the same time. I wonder how in the world she came up with all these designs. It takes a certain personality and an acquired taste to truly appreciate her fashion style. I find her style to be the reflection of the future and the fascination for the mystical world. It really goes beyond the imagination, it's the craziness that we hid deep within our consciousness and hope that no one find it. Then comes gaga who unwittingly whips it out, and leaves us stunned and breathless at the same time.

I dare you readers out there to wear this in public, I'm sure only gaga is brave enough to do that. I heard of the bubble boy, but bubbles and gagas, it really works. Hmm, I wonder what materials she use to make all these bubbles. They look like clear blown-up plastics stuck tightly to her brownish tank top. In order to make the outfit look sexy and appealing, she wore light caramel brown fishnets to finish it off.

I absolutely, hundred percent adore this dress. I can tell she got all her younger fans screaming with envy, who wouldn't want to be covered up in cuddly hello kitty stuff animals. I'm guessing she took all her favorite hello kitties and super-glued them together to get this one of a kind design. I wonder why she would paint her eyelids black. If I were her, I would paint my eyelids pink to match up with the spoil princes decor. Then again she could be going for the spoil mysterious gothic queen style, who knows it's all in gaga's head.

I find this one disgusting, it's like she shot a bunch of kermit the frogs and super-glued them together. If Miss Piggy finds out, she will definitely make a fur coat out of gaga.

I like this, it's very classy, sophisticated, and abstract at the same time. It looks to me like she was singing a flirtatious song. I think this out fit screams "I'm a classy woman, but I'm also easy."

This is a very nice luxurious dress, I hope she didn't have to kill any curtains to create a sultry outfit. The bowed shaped hairdo is definitely a cherry on top for completing this dreamy decor.

Changes sigh!!!

I realize my life has no stability, it's always about changes, changes, and more changes. Human beings thrive successfully with stability, where life is the same routine every single day. I want stability, I want to be with the same person every day, to be able to wake up in the morning in the same room and go to sleep at night knowing that I will wake up in the same room. Unfortunately, I don't have that option anymore, I been living life without a designated home for 3 straight years, traveling to east coast, west coast, and the south, then out of the states. every time I get use to a place, I end up leaving it to go to another place, and now I'm left with an empty feeling.

As I'm sitting here in the Houston Airport, I have this bitter sweet feeling inside of me. I been going through whirlwinds and adventure with the man of my dreams for many months, and now we have to be distance apart. It kills me that I have to leave the person I love so dearly every second for obligations in life. It's a train wreck knowing that you are born without any freedom or stability in your life. Sometimes I want to drop everything and just live in a little apartment with him forever, but that will do more harm than good. It's just horrible that we have to spend our twenties distance apart, but on the bright side atlease we will spend eternity together without financial problems or constraints.

I guess in my thirties when my metabolism level slows down like a turtle and all I want to do is sleep all day, I will thank my twenties for taking the beating so I can make a six figure salary on a 9-5 job. After all the twenties is the time to fly, explore, be reckless, be smart, and be everything that you can possibly be. Then again, these days people give up on life right after college, it's like some weird cosmic thing just zap the excitement out of their heads. It's like all the doors that have once been opened, are now closed, and those eager young college grads have no where to go. I don't expect doors to be opened for me in life, I'm the girl with a grenade, and expects the door to blow up after I light that sucker on fire. I guess what happen in college was that everyone I knew were so lucky to the point where all the opportunities were open to them. Then after college, for some strange reason "cough recession" every oppotunities people have just shut down, and now the thrill and excitement of strengthening your career becomes "I will settle for anything, would you like fries with that order."

Hmm, I guess changes in life isn't so bad after all. Changes like traveling, business, new faces, etc. is actually the mark of transition for any twenty year old. It is the excitement of climbing the ladder and actually getting closer to the top. Maybe all these traveling is actually a good thing for me, I've seen things that people have never seen in their every day lives. For example, I heard a nun fart in the woman's bathroom, have any of you guys get to hear the holy gas, I don't think so. What can I say God is giving me a gassy sign to keep going, it may seem like an endless journey, but in fact, it's a journey with a great destination.