Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Can't Eat What Guys eat every day

Have any of you girls wonder why when a guy step out of the bathroom, it always stink like hell. Also, whenever they forget to flush, we don't just see a cute little turd, hell no, we see something the size of the Hulk. We always think that "oh well it's probably a guy thing," but no You are wrong, it's beyond a guy's thing. As a matter of fact, God has nothing to with it, all he can do is shake his head and sigh.

As girls we have to watch our figure, we have to remain a size zero or other girls will make fun of us. So we eat nothing but salads, vegatables, fruits, and fish. We basically eat things that guys would not be caught dead eating. If a guy eats what we eat, they will be called a pussy, so they have to man up and eat all thse junk food.

During my stay in New Orleans, I was so tempted to eat all those yummy greasy junk food. I mean think about it, I'm in a house filled with guys, they don't care about my figure. So I was in heaven for the past month, eating nothing but hamburger, steak, french fries, buritos, philly cheese steak (the ones that leave a heavy grease on the bottom of the bag), etc. As the girly girl I am, I usually drink orange juice, apple juice, cranberry juice, or anything healthy, but with my man and the boys in New Orleans, I ended up drinking Diet coke every day. I have never drank that much soda in my life. I was living in food fantasy heaven, I was what every girl want to do, fucken pig out without a care in the world. Then tonight something shitty had to happen.
I went to the bathroom to crap, but the poo was too big to come out. It was like pregnancy except the baby was trying to get out through your butt hole. Seriously, I don't know how guys let out all that crap out of the butt. I was in tears, but that's not the worse part. Surrounding the bathroom are thin walls separating me and my fiance, and the ceiling separating me and my fiance's roommate. Basically this is what the situation looks like:

So I just gave up and pull my shiet back in my body and hope that I can shiet the next morning.
I know in the back of my head I was like I will never eat what Brandon eats every day. Knowing me, I will probably be back on the guy's diet in no time.

I wonder how much that guy from Man versus food poos????


Anna said...

And what happened next morning? :)

Cubicw86 said...

The next morning, I was back on the guy's diet, I know I'm horrible

Jessie said...

You're a really funny writer :) The next morning you were back on the guys' diet? :) And how did you get the poo out, :))) Or is it still in you?

Jessie said...

Or you got up early when the guys were sleeping so that you could grunt :))) I did that once :S

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