Thursday, April 28, 2011

Ducks Are Not Stupid

I always thought ducks were stupid by the way they look, act, and walk. It really sucks on how the way they were built, two little web feets holding on to their bubbly shaped bodies, that is why they always end up walking all clumsily and wobbly. It makes me wonder why they are still alive, isn't the concept of natural selection is to get rid of stupidity. Ducks are so dumb that when you cornered them, they wouldn't bite or attack you to escape. They surrender so easily to the point where they get in a position to make themselves look more appetizing to you. No wonder hunters would sneak out at night to the "No hunting Duck" zone, in order to bag themselves some dinner. They don't even bother to use a shot gun, they just get a hammer and they are set for a great meal. It still leaves me wondering why there are a lot of ducks left in the park, it's like every year, these ducks are growing exponentially.
My friend and I were walking around CSU-Stanislaus and we always notice these cute little ducklings in the ponds. They look so tiny and adorable to the point where I want to catch them all, just like pokemons. It be a dream come true to put them in little boxes, take them home, and cuddle every one of them. We were laughing about how easy it would be to catch them, by simply luring them out of the pond with bread, distract the big ducks, the dive into the babies when we get the opportunity. As awsome as this plan sounded, the results did not go the way we wanted.
We managed to lure them far away from the water, but the mother duck kept interfering with our goal. My friend got the mother out of the way so I took the opportunity to catch the babies, but boy do those little boogers run fast. I totally underestimated their little feets, and as I'm writing this I still can't believe these little guys actually outrun me. They were like miniature football players on the run, they were so agile that I end up slipping after several unsuccessful ducknapping attempts. I can't believe this, it's like they all received an instant injection of steroids after discovering our evil plot.
The babies made it safely to the water, but we barely made it alive. The parent ducks guard the ponds, while the other ducks ganged up on us. We were outnumbered and slowly surrender raising up the white flag and backed away slowly. It was very humiliating, but atleast we had a good laugh :)
The moral of the story is, never underestimate mother nature. This time we were lucky it's just a flock of ducks, next time we might be confronted with their boss, the cat.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

My Fiance's Birthday

Happy Birthday brandy, I love you so much
"Words can't express what you mean to me"
Therefore this post is mainly pictures from the Houston Aquarium

My flight to California

My flight to California can be summed up in one word "embarrassing." Since I have two connecting flights, boredom was bound to happen. I decided to turn my lap top on and explore some games on the computer. I found some exciting, adventurous, brain challenging games, but I didn't play those because I was stupid. I had to play the ones that doesn't require any mental stimulation. The game focuses on this bar that has a ball on it. Your goal is to use the bar to hit the balls, so it can knock out blocks. You only gain a level up if you knock out all the blocks, but if you don't catch the ball with the bar, then you will lose a life. I don't know why this was so entertaining, but it kept me going throughout the whole flight. I was so into the game that every time I missed the ball, I would grunt loudly and angrily. After hours of shear fun, I was able to reach level 9, and I have one more block to break in order to reach level ten. Unfortunately, I only have one life left so I gotta make it or break. My fingers slipped so I missed the ball resulting in anger and frustration. I end up yelling at my laptop,"OMG you are so fucked up and certainly born without an ass." After letting out all my anger, I realize that all eyes were on me. The parents behind me and next to me weren't too thrill when their daughters asked them what an ass was.

My parents and their friend picked me up from the airport, and of course mom getting teary eyes hugged the shit out of me. Dad trying to look tough as usual, but we all know he misses me like crazy. We went to a Chinese restaurant and order food that can feed ten families in Africa, I ate so much that I needed to use the bathroom to do a number 2. Unfortunately, I can never do a number 2 in a public restroom, it just feels weird knowing that other people in the bathroom can hear you gas out. I decided to be a lady and wait till we get home so I can let them suckers out. Dinner took a long time because the conversation about food and life was so entertaining. I was still able to held in Mr. Hankey, but I can feel it's head trying to pop out. I was anxious to get in the car, but my dad wanted to go grocery shopping at 99 ranch. He went in, but didn't find what he was looking for so he went somewhere else. After a half an hour, I just felt an enormous amount of pressure building up, and my stomach expanded twice the size. I tried so hard to hold that sucker in because we have friends sitting in the car, but it wasn't helping when the car kept running over stuff. I clench my ass cheeks hoping to hold on to every bit of myself. Let me tell you one thing, clenching the ass cheeks was the worst idea invented by any man kind who don't want to fuck up their date because they wanted to shiet real bad. The gas accumulated inside, ricochet in my ass cheeks, and went out through my butt resulting in the loudest fart in the world. I tried to blame it on my dad, but the vile smell came from me, so I was pretty much caught red handed.
After grueling hours of embarrassment, I finally came home. I rushed to the bathroom to let out the freaken turd that was clinging inside of me. I was shocked to find out my turd wasn't that big, I was looking forward to a big surprise but I guess not. I felt so dirty that I decided to take a shower. I looked over and realize the maid had broken the shower handle, so I decided to ask my dad to help me fix it. My dad was so thrill to flaunt his fixing skills, that he came in with all his fancy guy tool box stuff. He was measuring and drilling, but instead of fixing the handle, he made a big hole in the shower. Then my mom popped in and said "it's alright honey, you can use the guest bathroom to shower." I thought it wasn't a big deal, when I discover loads of pubic hair in the soap. Luckily I had extra soap so I didn't have to deal with anything attach to the genitals, I came out clean and refresh, also relieved that I survived the night.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Adopting an animal from the Shelter

Every time I watch tv I always notice these commercials about dogs in the shelter and how they were abandoned and abused. The commercials would always show these really cute puppies, with those shiny, watery eyes begging to be adopted. They made it sound like if these puppies don't get adopted, they would get killed.
It made me look back on the days that I've gone to the shelter to get a companion. Every animal there does not look like the ones in the commercials. They were basically scarred up pitbulls doing shadow boxing in the background. I'm like what happen to those poor little golden retrievers with the bandages around their paws or the little Charlie Brown Snoopy with bubbly eyes hoping to find a home. But no, we have snoop doggy dog behind those gates and they aren't anywhere near the cute factors.
That's not even the worst part, in order to adopt an animal from the shelter, you would have to do mountains of paperwork, writing essays that mimics grad school personal statements, interviews, and house visits. After all that, you are most likely not gonna get the animal you want because they usually don't let you choose, they match you up through compatibility, but I think it's all a coin toss. They said that this process is necessary to ensure that these animals don't end up back in the shelter due to irresponsible owners. I think this process is dumb, an irresponsible college frat boy can disguise as a responsible CEO with a loving family any time of the day.
Pure breed animals from a respectable breeder usually interview you on the spot and if you are willing to pay the fee, the dog is yours. Wouldn't it be logical to get an animal breed to be a pussy without the hassle of writing an essay over an animal that can kill you anytime with the hassle of interviews, paperwork, fees, and house visits. Then again there are those individuals that crave for the altruistic feeling, so they can brag to their friends that they rescue a life. I guess it is worth it, even if one day you are cooking bacon and the skillet reminds your rescued dog of the time he was being torture, thus instigating the inner killer inside of him. The results are grim my friend, it's no different than taking in a serial killer fresh out of prison minus the personal statement, you do the math :)

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Guys Night Out

It's Tuesday and I'm wondering what all the excitement is about. My older brothers (guy friends that I will never date, even if they were the last guy on the earth, and I'm pretty sure they think the same way about me) were running around and giggling like little school girls. They were whispering in each others ears and pushing buttons on their little iphones. This strange girl-like behavior is spiking up my curiosity, could it be that the guys have gotten laid by ten girls and are sharing their little secrets. I wasted no time and snuck my way towards them so I can quietly eve drop on their conversations, wondering if it was a Michelle or a Linda that they hooked up with. Well all the excitement was none other than two dollars Taco at New Orleans Rum House.
Being the only girl in the house, I never understood why guys are so excited about greesy food. Guys are like a whole different species to me, they are very strange, and there isn't a book out there that can accurately define them. Guys are like cancer, you can never find a cure for them and you can never fully understand them to the point where you can place logic next to them and say it fits like a missing puzzle piece. I on the other hand find this to be intriguing, so I decided to do some undercover detective work and join their guys night out.
We made our way to the restaurant, but had to wait fifteen minutes to be seated. Instead of waiting by having a normal conversation inside the restaurant like girls would do, the guys order beer and drank them outside with cigarettes. Afterwards, we went back in and sat down in our table and order more beers. The guys begin gossiping about other guys and how hot other guys are, and how so and so is dating or shouldn't be dating. The most interesting thing is their adorable girly mannerism, whispering in each others ears, and giggling non-stop. Then ordering more beers, gosh these boys can really drink. Some went so far as to jumping and screaming out of nowhere because so and so made a three pointer. I can feel one of their hair stand up with anticipation because so and so was dribbling the basket ball on tv.
Our appetizers came, which is tortilla chips drizzled in melted cheese, tomatoes, sour cream, sliced chicken, olives, and etc. I was too hungry to realize that I will be eating my way to high cholesterol and that I will be flying back to California in less than a week. We were eating and talking about the strangest stuff and laughing the night away. Then another woman enter into the scene, and I thought it would be interesting to see how this will change the dynamics of the guys night out. The guys instantly change from giggling little monsters to mature cultural gentlemens. They started talking about Europe, asia, traveling, exotic foods, and etc to impress the lady. I almost burst out laughing from their sudden shifts from boys to men. A couple hours ago, they were farting in the house and destroying the ozone layer.
I decided to go home early because of low alcohol tolerance, while my bros just party the night away. Hours later they came back, drunk and wasted, and eating like animals with a comedian on the television blabbing about how weird girls are. They laughed as the the comedian talks about race and politics, you know the "N" word that occurs after the "F' word. As I shook my head and smile at their adorable, boyish antiques, I couldn't help but wonder what the fuck happen to their cultural gentlemen side? Did they just shit on it after the girl left? And omg my brother's boxer is showing and it''s white!!!

In some ways guys are like girls, they gossip insanely and crazily about weird stuff, converse about absolutely nothing, talk about others of the same sex, and giggle like little school girl that just experience her first period. I'm sure if Taylor Lautner were to walk in the room, I would instantly switch from weird, clueless girl to a cultural well-defined woman. I guess in order to define guys, to understand what or why the hell they do the things they do, we must first understand and define ourselves. After all, scientist are approaching the cure for cancer through understanding the human bodies.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Does Karma Really Exist??

My fiance, our close group of friends, and I decided to drink the night away at a local po-boy shop. Because of my low alcohol tolerance I was barely able to walk or think straight, thank god we spent majority of the time sitting. We were discussing the next phase of our lives, and toasting to future success and endeavors. Then the conversation about karma came up, which made things very interesting, especially after having a couple of shots of god knows what.
They were discussing about religion and how karma plays a very big role in it. Their thoughts were if they were good to everyone around them, then good things will come to them. The whole philosophy is to avoid the "bad" coincident. For example, if you were to know someone who is not as successful as you at the moment and you treat them with disdain, and then years later that person climbs the ladder that is higher than you and end up controlling your destiny, they can ultimately kick you down a notch. In my own words, I would have to say Karma is nothing more but a soft blanket for a baby to cry on.
Throughout life this is what I notice, you are either born a predator or a prey. If you are a predator, you succeed through ruining other people's lives. You are the one who tell people that they will never reach their goals or succeed, and you end up doing better than everyone else. If you are a prey, you are constantly chased by the predator and eaten alive. The only thing that keeps you going is the word "karma." The hope that the predator will get a taste of his or her own medicine, but the reality is, the predator always wins. As sad as it is, I know the only way a prey can survive is to outrun the predator and hope for a better life. Think about it, if karma does exist, there would be no war and peace everywhere. The military of every country would be afraid to shoot anyone because of karma, but since this concept is about comfort, war continues to spread throughout the world. As a person who constantly witness hardship and abuse from others, I know for a fact that karma does not exist.
Sadly, I let out a sigh and start picking on my friend's cheesy fries. As I munch on the high calories of greesy, cheesy fries, the alcohol in my system starts acting up. I closed my eyes and experience a quick, instant out of body experience, where my body tunneled to another dimension. I enter a black and white dimension, and witness a younger version of myself underneath a table. My body was covered with scars and bruises, I was scared of something or someone, but I couldn't quite recollect my memories. I continue to wonder into this dimension and found my family and people I knew threw me against the walls and ripped my skin away from my body. What was left were my bones, that turned into ashes and got swept away by the winds. I realize the word "Karma" actually instigated a very dark side of my soul, and took me beyond my psyche and ultimately face my past. What angers me is that people are capable of hurting others beyond the limits without considering the emotional scars that stick to others and how it affects their lives. Yet these malevolent individuals continue to succeed in life while we the victims are left with deep wounds that not even the best plastic surgeons can fix.
Then I opened my eyes and was glad that I'm back with my friends drinking beer, shots, and eating greesy food. I had to pinched myself a couple of times to make sure I am really back to reality, and not a bruised kid dreaming of socializing with friends. I realize that I was a prey that have escaped a group of predators, and end up in paradise. I am safe now despite the invisible scars all over my body. There is a reason why I am here and have chose this path. Perhaps my future have something to do with the past, perhaps I am here to save people who can't escape from their predators, perhaps I am here to heal the scars that can never be seen, but felt. Whatever it is, I acknowledge these little clues out there that gives us a hint of our purpose in life, and maybe mine is about to be discovered.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Art is Life and Life is Art

My fiance and I decided to go to an art museum for our date. The idea of an art museum instigated my Claude Monet obsession. I absolutely adore the texture and color of all his paintings. I know that we all have expectations of what nature should look like and it's disappointing to know that nature can never naturally match up to our expectations. The only artist that I believe could capture what nature should look like is no other than Claude Monet. His impressionist art will definitely be the source of inspiration for my bedroom in medical school. I can't wait to create a Claude Monet room for myself, it will be the ultimate place of study and relaxation, who needs the library anymore.

These are Zen art created by the Japanese artist Hakuin. Hakuin's artwork is different from all the other asian artwork I have ever seen. Hakuin focuses on humor, but underneath the humor is something meaningful about life. I find it funny that he usually uses buddha as the main focus of his humor. Well done Hakuin!!!!
I love the little girl's pink dress, black hat, and black mini coat. It sorta reminds of the preppy rock girl style, pink dress with black fingernails, except this painting is done innocentally.

The descriptions on these two dog paintings are blurry, so I'm not sure who drew them, but I'm guessing they are in the era of realistic art. I love animal painting during that era because the artist did a great job capturing the essence and the realistic qualities of these animals.
I find this painting really peaceful, I think it has a lot to do with the light coloring and innocent themes. However, I think the women back then are extremely overweight and unhealthy.This was probably due to the fact that people back then believe that chubbiness signifies wealth and fertility. Therefore fat women are sought after over the skinny bitches. Whereas the 21st century, the term "skinny" signifies wealth, sexy, and power. I personally don't think it means anything, it doesn't cost a thing to jog around the park or to buy McDonalds and stuff yourself till you tip the scale, so fat or skinny doesn't mean wealth. I just think the two eras are filled with people defining nothing.

After observing artwork from the past era, I was very pleased and delighted to find that each piece of art was done meticulously and seriously. Each artwork is not only colorful and vibrant but also a representation of their society. Their society is filled with so much meaning and interpretation that I felt everyone back then was an intellectual. All the artworks in the past have immaculately combined beauty, society, cultural, religion, and language on a piece of paper or sculpture. As I pass through the era, I was eagerly waiting to observe the 19th hundreds to see more advancements and cultural development. Boy was I wrong to expect anything meaningful. Nowadays, artwork is consider true artwork if there's full blown mindless humor to it. Where the hell did all those deep thinkers like Leonardo Da Vinci, Picasso, Claude Monets go?? Probably homeless and penniless, how sad is the current world of art, where money is made through stupidity.

But I have to say, I do love this hahahha

Friday, April 1, 2011

Men Never Ask for Help

Men fix it and women whine about it, men sees excitement and opportunity with drills and hammers while women sees annoyance and hard labor. I have to say, even as a woman who is very supportive about women's rights and empowerment, I nevertheless need a man's help to change a light bulb that is too far to reach. I' m proud of it, it doesn't mean I'm weak, just means I know how to use my womanly assets. Too bad guys don't have the same assets, it only feels pleasurable when they could help a damsel in distress.

My fiance and I are extreme coffee lovers, We drink it night and day like it was water. Unfortunately, coffee does make us run to the bathroom at the speed of light. After so many trips to the bathroom, I notice the toilet was acting kind of strange. It was always gurgling, but because of our busy schedule, I decided to ignore its cry for help. I hopped onto the shower, to enjoy the comfort of warm water falling down from the the waterfall shower. Then I notice a large flow of water coming from another direction. That wasn't just the worse part, the water isn't crystal clear, it was sort of yellowish. I finished my shower as soon as I could, with only a small amount of yellow touching me, and as a true woman, I would whine about it.
Apparently, there was a leak from the toilet, and everything was backed up. Every time we flush it screams " save me." My heroic fiance decided to step up to the plate and rescue the dying toilet. He, his landlord, and the maintenance man became the three musketeer to battle against mountains of maneuvers, clogged rusty pipes, and smelly concentrated urine to get this toilet running. however, their limited toiletry knowledge led to myriads of disasters. Countless times I've told my fiance to get a professional plumber and countless times he laughed at the idea and continue his heroic adventures. Two week later, I decided to check out the Musketeer's conquest, I was anticipating for a good outcome because of their confidence. Unfortunately, what I saw was an outcome, but it wasn't good. Urine and feces were everywhere, a big chunk of the carpet was shoved into the toilet to prevent further leaks, the shower has fesces spread all over, the jacuzzi had urine overflowing, and I have no idea why there was a random pip in the middle of the room. I broke down in tears and begged my fiance to get a professional plumber, and because of his manhood, he said "no, give us one more chance, we will fix this." I decided to give them the benefit of the doubt, if they don't fix it the next day, I'm calling the plumber.

The next morning, I was on google searching for a professional plumber while the musketeers desperately trying to save the bathroom. They were drilling and hammering, for five hours straight, and by the sound of things I can tell they were determined. Afterwards, the drilling stops, and I rush down the stairs to see if anyone slipped on maneuver and fell inside of the toilet. I opened the door and to my surprised everything looks spotless. The feces, urine, pipes, and soaked carpets were all gone. The toilet was working again, and everything smell so minty fresh.
Even though it took two weeks for them to fix the toilet, but it was wonderful to see how fulfilled they all feel. I guess in a girl's perspective was that we could have gotten it done in a day or two if we have called a professional plumber, but in a guy's perspective was saving those few hundred of dollars. I can't help but feel happy for him, he has completed an impossible task that I think even superman wouldn't be able to handle. I have to say, it's gotta be a sense of pride of fixing something and without having to rely on professional help or being vulnerable. As weird as this may sound, but I find this to be husband material.