Showing posts with label toilet. Show all posts
Showing posts with label toilet. Show all posts

Friday, April 1, 2011

Men Never Ask for Help


Men fix it and women whine about it, men sees excitement and opportunity with drills and hammers while women sees annoyance and hard labor. I have to say, even as a woman who is very supportive about women's rights and empowerment, I nevertheless need a man's help to change a light bulb that is too far to reach. I' m proud of it, it doesn't mean I'm weak, just means I know how to use my womanly assets. Too bad guys don't have the same assets, it only feels pleasurable when they could help a damsel in distress.

My fiance and I are extreme coffee lovers, We drink it night and day like it was water. Unfortunately, coffee does make us run to the bathroom at the speed of light. After so many trips to the bathroom, I notice the toilet was acting kind of strange. It was always gurgling, but because of our busy schedule, I decided to ignore its cry for help. I hopped onto the shower, to enjoy the comfort of warm water falling down from the the waterfall shower. Then I notice a large flow of water coming from another direction. That wasn't just the worse part, the water isn't crystal clear, it was sort of yellowish. I finished my shower as soon as I could, with only a small amount of yellow touching me, and as a true woman, I would whine about it.
Apparently, there was a leak from the toilet, and everything was backed up. Every time we flush it screams " save me." My heroic fiance decided to step up to the plate and rescue the dying toilet. He, his landlord, and the maintenance man became the three musketeer to battle against mountains of maneuvers, clogged rusty pipes, and smelly concentrated urine to get this toilet running. however, their limited toiletry knowledge led to myriads of disasters. Countless times I've told my fiance to get a professional plumber and countless times he laughed at the idea and continue his heroic adventures. Two week later, I decided to check out the Musketeer's conquest, I was anticipating for a good outcome because of their confidence. Unfortunately, what I saw was an outcome, but it wasn't good. Urine and feces were everywhere, a big chunk of the carpet was shoved into the toilet to prevent further leaks, the shower has fesces spread all over, the jacuzzi had urine overflowing, and I have no idea why there was a random pip in the middle of the room. I broke down in tears and begged my fiance to get a professional plumber, and because of his manhood, he said "no, give us one more chance, we will fix this." I decided to give them the benefit of the doubt, if they don't fix it the next day, I'm calling the plumber.

The next morning, I was on google searching for a professional plumber while the musketeers desperately trying to save the bathroom. They were drilling and hammering, for five hours straight, and by the sound of things I can tell they were determined. Afterwards, the drilling stops, and I rush down the stairs to see if anyone slipped on maneuver and fell inside of the toilet. I opened the door and to my surprised everything looks spotless. The feces, urine, pipes, and soaked carpets were all gone. The toilet was working again, and everything smell so minty fresh.
Even though it took two weeks for them to fix the toilet, but it was wonderful to see how fulfilled they all feel. I guess in a girl's perspective was that we could have gotten it done in a day or two if we have called a professional plumber, but in a guy's perspective was saving those few hundred of dollars. I can't help but feel happy for him, he has completed an impossible task that I think even superman wouldn't be able to handle. I have to say, it's gotta be a sense of pride of fixing something and without having to rely on professional help or being vulnerable. As weird as this may sound, but I find this to be husband material.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Can't Eat What Guys eat every day


Have any of you girls wonder why when a guy step out of the bathroom, it always stink like hell. Also, whenever they forget to flush, we don't just see a cute little turd, hell no, we see something the size of the Hulk. We always think that "oh well it's probably a guy thing," but no You are wrong, it's beyond a guy's thing. As a matter of fact, God has nothing to with it, all he can do is shake his head and sigh.


As girls we have to watch our figure, we have to remain a size zero or other girls will make fun of us. So we eat nothing but salads, vegatables, fruits, and fish. We basically eat things that guys would not be caught dead eating. If a guy eats what we eat, they will be called a pussy, so they have to man up and eat all thse junk food.


During my stay in New Orleans, I was so tempted to eat all those yummy greasy junk food. I mean think about it, I'm in a house filled with guys, they don't care about my figure. So I was in heaven for the past month, eating nothing but hamburger, steak, french fries, buritos, philly cheese steak (the ones that leave a heavy grease on the bottom of the bag), etc. As the girly girl I am, I usually drink orange juice, apple juice, cranberry juice, or anything healthy, but with my man and the boys in New Orleans, I ended up drinking Diet coke every day. I have never drank that much soda in my life. I was living in food fantasy heaven, I was what every girl want to do, fucken pig out without a care in the world. Then tonight something shitty had to happen.
I went to the bathroom to crap, but the poo was too big to come out. It was like pregnancy except the baby was trying to get out through your butt hole. Seriously, I don't know how guys let out all that crap out of the butt. I was in tears, but that's not the worse part. Surrounding the bathroom are thin walls separating me and my fiance, and the ceiling separating me and my fiance's roommate. Basically this is what the situation looks like:



So I just gave up and pull my shiet back in my body and hope that I can shiet the next morning.
I know in the back of my head I was like I will never eat what Brandon eats every day. Knowing me, I will probably be back on the guy's diet in no time.

I wonder how much that guy from Man versus food poos????