Saturday, July 16, 2011

How Poop and Fart saved my life


Holy cow I haven't blogged in a awhile. Gosh, I feel bad, I blame my asian parents, they been driving me crazy with their stupidity and neediness. I wonder how I would ever survive my household without my friends there to cheer me up. Life is depressing, if your life is anything like mine, you will notice that your own family is your Achilles heels. They say the craziest and meanest things that gets deep into your heart and slowly eats away your soul. Those are your parents, so you can't do anything about it. they gave you life and they are trying to take it away without going to jail. This is exactly why you see so many suicidal kids, parents are doing a good job killing them legally. If you are one of those unfortunate individuals with a messed up household, you might be asking yourself, "how can I come out without any psychological damage?" It's very simple and the only topic that will keep you from slitting your wrist, is none other than POOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Poo is such an awsome topic, it fills my day with joy when my friends took a big dump in the toilet, but can't flush it all the way down. It makes me forget the stressful part of my life, knowing that my friends are anxiously flushing that toilet a billion times hoping for that lucky flush to push the little bastard through the hole. Little did they know that by flushing it so many times will only make it worse. I get even more excited when I hear them frantically plunging the toilet with water splashing everywhere. Then they catch a sigh of relief when the water went all the way down, so they flush it again, and to no avail, Mr hankee surf the wave towards the top. As I listen for their reaction, all my worries and life's mishaps flew away and I find myself in pure joy and ecstasy. I would hear clutters and clashes from my worrisome friend in search of the holy grail known as strong perfume or febreeze. Then after the arduous search, and the strong spray, I hid behind the walls and watch as they exit the bathroom, looking left to right as if they were crossing a busy intersection.

The only problem is I can't always enjoy the excitement of a clogged toilet, my depression will only return after my parents open their mouth. How do I survive their insane verbal and psychological abuse? Well it's simple, every time they open their god awful mouth with a slight grin for evilness, I just lift up my ass, and fart across the room. My parents would gag and laugh, and the best part is, they forget what they were gonna say. I was also crowned the queen of gas and the queen of breaking their toilets :)

If it weren't for poop and farts, I would have died a long time ago. Verbal, emotional, and psychological abuse can really destroy everything that makes you an individual. I have experience abuse from parents, teachers, students, and even strangers, but after all that, it feels so good to come home to a good fart. And of course awsome group of friends and the love of my life "you know who you are ;) "

BTW: This post is not meant to make anyone worry to the point of calling social service, I'm already an adult so they probably wouldn't do shiet hahha. This post is to encourage teens out there that suicide is not the answer. There are methods out there that can help mitigate the awful parenting situation at home, and this happens to be one of them. Remember if you ever feel like a dark cloud of negativity around you, just look for a way to laugh and be happy :)

7 comments:

love2type said...

My asian parents could be quite overbearing too. I don't know how many times I kept telling myself that I'll explode if they don't stop breathing down on me. But, I'm glad I'm passed that stage now. They still drive me crazy but they don't make up my entire world anymore.

Cubicw86 said...

I wonder what it is about asian parents that drives everyone crazy. I have a lot of caucasion friends and their parents are awsome as hell compare to our parents.
If I create a blog called "my dumb asian parents" I will be able to update it every second :)

Nur Diyanah Magness said...

I don't think it is so much asian but more of habitual environment and upbringing. My parents are asian....not oriental asian but asian nevertheless....and they are simply very supportive, loving and well...not closed minded in the least. It tends to be more with the asians probably because of the tight close knit controlled environments. Morals however are very high. Western minds are different and also have the good and bad. Being too open minded also can be dangerous. A good balance would be nice. Parents say and do things out of love......and some do it with tact and common sense (good parenting) and others do it from what they learned and are used to from their own parents....thinking it is the best method - it is more of them doing the best they know of, even if it is not great methods as parenting. We can only be patient and close an ear, eye, whatever just to keep the peace...and as you said...they are, after all our parents. Sometimes at the right time and place, we can try to plant seeds of what good parenting should be ....show them that there are better ways of handling us. One thing for sure, we learn from their mistakes and do not make the same with our own kids. Parenting does not have to be an inborn skill or something we learn from parents...we can learn from books and by example from other good parents.

That was great blogging by the way...an inspiration and motivation for those who feel worthless and think its the end of the world when their lives are filled with such - everyone has their fair share of crap from life....we just have to learn to deal with it and it's up to us to make ourselves happy....not the people around us. Loved the read....hugss!

angsarap said...

What a funny but very informative post, I do have Asian parents but never grew up with them so I never had experienced what you had that much

Cubicw86 said...

@Nur: thank you so much for your input. It's really hard to tell if my parents are doing things for the best interest. They are the only asian parents I know who tells me to skip school and not to study. Then again, they gave birth to me, so I'm sure there is a tiny ounce of goodness in their actions.

@angsarap: I'm glad you find the post amusing, and u are so lucky ur distance away from ur asian parents :)

Samantha Bangayan said...

HAHA! =) This is hilarious, Hilda! You always seem to brighten my day in an albeit disgusting way this time. =P I've had my fair share of pooping emergencies and tragedies here in Peru where the toilet system often doesn't work properly, where we need to bring out own toilet paper everywhere and where there are often just outposts. =P YUCK!

Cubicw86 said...

@Samantha: Hahhahahah, gotta love those pooing emergencies.
I thought in places like Peru and China, people have to poo and pee in a hole, there's totally no toilet?

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