This probably sounds really cliche, but it's so damn true. Even as a woman, I can truly admit that at times I say one thing but mean another. For example, I tell my parents how smart they are all the time, when in fact we all know they are idiots. Whenever my lover talks to another girl, I reassure him that I'm not jealous, but I'm actually boiling inside. This whole cliche is understandable, it keeps everyone happy and lowers the level of drama in the house, but is it really acceptable when it comes picking the perfect man.
From the day we all graduated from school and enter the real world, we created a recipe of what we want in a man. A lot of my girlfriends all have the same ingredients (tall, handsome, charming, career-driven, rich, smart, sensitive, understanding, and funny) to create the perfect batch of cupcakes. Unfortunately, they all end up with everything opposite of what they wanted: short, ugly, disgusting, career that makes a dollar a day, stupid, mean, oblivious, and boring. I don't know whether to feel happy or lied to so I took the initiative to ask some of my girlfriends, "why go for something that is not your cup of tea?"
The usual response is: "I can't find Mr. right, so might as well get whatever I can get." I felt sympathetic for them, juggling career, life, and trying to find the perfect man isn't an easy thing to do. I often wonder why it's so hard for them to find the qualities that they were looking for in the beginning, practically all my male friends have these qualities that are way better than the guys my friends were dating. This weird concept of settling plaques me because I don't believe in settling. I believe in "true love," and I know it shouldn't be that hard to find. Since this is only a one-sided story I decided to get some perspective from the other side.
I asked a couple of Mr. Rights and Mr. Perfect aka: "the proper ingredients," as to what they want in a girl. They all have the similar requirements: she must be cute and nice. There are other requirements, but cute and nice are the most sought after. I was like "you got to be kidding me, those type of girls are all around you," then again they're not. Apparently, these guys have made the initiative to talk to those girls with the written recipes, but were sadly rejected from the cupcake batch. I find it strange that Mr. Right and Mr. Perfect could be so harshly rejected whereas Mr. ugly and Mr. disgusting were promptly accepted. This really doesn't make sense, all this time I thought women wanted prince charming.
Does anyone out there wanna comment on this problem. As of now, I do not sympathize with any ladies out there claiming that they can't find Prince Charming, bull shiet
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Women settle for less than Mr. Right all the time because it's their self belief of what they THINK they deserve. I used to settle for less & look where that brought me. When you up your standards (and yes, it may mean being lonely for a little while longer) you just might find that guy you need in your life. I don't believe that they can't find their Prince Charming. They are too focused on what they don't want, that they pick exactly that... what they don't want.
P.S I'm following u again 'cause my old Google account accidentally got swiped & I needed to make another one :(
Not to be sexist, but girls are often not honest, especially with themselves. That combined with the fact that most girls don't really know what they want in their low and mid 20's.
They often grow up with what kind of guys they're supposed to like. But often if they're just listing those traits, they don't really know who they like. Often guys like that in the real life are 'boring' while the uglier guys you mention often get them. It's all about how the guys make the girls feel. Who's the best at tugging the girl's hearts. They want to feel something, and even though it's negative a lot of the time, it's feeling something.
"Perfect guys" (at least the younger ones) are just boring and predictable. That's where Mr. Ugly and Mr. Treat-You-Like-Shit comes in. They know what to do because they can sorta figure out how girls tick and manipulate them. Plus since there's more drama with them, there's more emotional attachment.
Anyway, that's just how I've seen things over the years. Not true for everyone, of course, but that's just what I've seen. Not that I'm saying guys are great or anything, lol.
@Tamyr: hey there,I can totally relate what you are saying. When I was in my high school and undergrad years, I lacked total confidence in myself to the point where I go for any guys who come after me. I thought that I wasn't good enough for Mr. Right or Mr. Perfect, so I just settled. I know the pain and the feeling, settling only leads to years of misery. I am so glad that I have broken off those horrid relationships years ago. Sometimes I wonder what I was thinking about in the past, it's like my brain was located in my ass.
@Halley: Hmm, that really makes sense. I do notice that girls often go for those so call "bad boys" from the ghetto. You are right, those type of guys are more exciting and enduring, but they treat you like shiet. And the funny part is the girls take it, and mostly because of the bad boy decor is so alluring. It's like owning a pitbull over a golden retriever. People love pitbulls because it boost their self confidence. It's like your hanging out with a killing machine and that makes you cool, until the dog kills you.
Perhaps it was the quest for perfection in our life. As a guy, there is a different viewpoint of what I felt about woman, about the perfect Miss Right who is looking for their Mr Right. For me, I can't blame it entirely on the woman if they chose the wrong guy as their partner. Some girls just want to have fun and looks cool to have someone as perfect as the statue of David next to them. On the other hand, some girls just want someone who loves them with all their heart, and never let them be alone. Woman is the other half of the sky, and guys is the other half, as such they completing each other in a beautiful way. Pointing fingers to each other weakness won't settle any argument, but love will turn the weakness into a wall of strength. No matter with whom a girl ended up with, I believe time and love will eventually win.
@ Sentimental Heart:
Yea, I guess I shouldn't be too harsh on my girlfriends. I agree with you that we all have different point of views, some want Mr. Perfect while others want Mr. Love.
Even though Mr. Love may not have the looks, brains, money, etc.. but he has plenty of love to give and that I think is what a lot of ladies are looking for :)
@Cubicw86: True. I was there a couple years back and it takes a toll on your life & your purpose in life. But thank goodness life is filled with 2nd chances, learning curves and new beginnings.
P.S Thank you for the sweet comment back on my blog post. I appreciate it.
I hear ya, Hilda! It's about being open and getting yourself out there too! Sometimes, we have a certain conception about what constitutes the perfect guy and it closes our mind to other "types" of potentially perfect guys for us. It's the same deal with happiness. I don't know if you've read "Stumbling on Happiness" by Daniel Gilbert -- it's a research-based book on how humans don't know what make them happy! =P We think it's one thing, but the results show another.
Knowing that, I think it's important to being open to friendships and potential relationships with all kinds of people! =) That's my take anyway. =P Haha! Thanks for having me think about this, Hilda! =)
@ Tamyr: No problem girl, good luck with everything :)
@Samantha: This is very interesting view here. I guess girls make a list to make sure they conform to society's approval. The usual approval would be: tall, handsome, career oriented, family man, charming, loving, and all that jazz. Alot of time we thought that is exactly what we want because it's what our parents and society been putting in our heads. Unfortunately, we fail to realize what really satisfy us is a guy that knows how to satisfy a woman and that my friend is where the bad boys come in.
I Liked the Images you used in this post and The Topic TOo..
And, Thanks for Visiting and Commenting on "My Personal Blog".
there's no perfect person in the world. man and women existed to complete each other. So be ourself and love others..:)
@shri: thanx :)
@pyejal: I agree, but everyone these days are looking for perfections and when they find it, they don't know what to do with it
So funny, I laughed out loud. Yeppers I remember telling my husband that it didn't bother me at all that he was eyeing a good looking woman. LIE, I wanted to kick him in the groin. But I smiled sweetly and assured him that it's only human to admire good looking people. Yes, we girls do tell lots of fibs. Wonder what fibs men tell us.
@jennie: OMG don't get me started with fibs that men say to women, I can go on and on about that one. Thinking about it, I might start a post about that.
Only one word 'destiny'
@chrocodiles: yea but not everyone is lucky :(
kinda like playing the lottery, you're either destine to be rich or not hahahah
Sometimes women want a project, so they pick ugly/mean whatever guys. Sometimes they just have bad taste in men, feel like they deserve less, or etc etc
I think we are raised from a young age to try and be polite and nice even when we don't feel that way. There is more peace and cohesion if everyone at least seems content. We are taught to value others more than ourselves, because that's the way we make friends and succeed in life. It's not always a question of a girl being a jerk or not like some people say. Sometimes girls would love to speak their minds, but they hold back, or more commonly, they do it behind others' backs.
I agree with your opinion. As an American born Chinese, my parent often told me to never speak my mind. Their philosophy is that if you say something and someone don't like it, then they will not be your friend. I realize that it's best to speak your mind so you can filter out those who deserves your company. However in important occasions like business meetings maybe things should be kept a secret lol
I really like your post and it still rings true, years later. I find it fascinating to hear the opposite sex's view and learn from it. We are all different but what matters is that connection you have with the significant other, whether you are Mr Right or Miss Perfect. If you can sit on a beach or in a park all day and not read a thing but just have pure laughs then for me that's a sign things are perfect and the credentials don't matter. Stereotypes are a sad thing in this society and I mean that across the board. If only we can love people for who they are and not worry whether it meets the requirements of society.
I know that most of the people here wrote more than 15 years ago, but I'll post nonetheless.
I am in my early 40's and a student of Psychology. 1st year. my father was had narcissistic personality dissorder and he fucke up my life. it took me over 2 decades to unfuck everything.
But they can't find mr Right, that is true, but not for the reasons you or they think. It is as simple as that: they don't find the mr Right BC they rejected him in the first place. it all starts in the childhood. from my personal informal studies I have found this to be true a long time ago. long story short, the realtionships they had in their families reflects the relationships they will have as adults. the best help you can give to these ladies is to determine them, or manipulate them, to go to a psychiatrist/therapist and stick to the therapy untill the end. of they could have done it alone the would have. I know that it might sound grose but the first love of a girl is not in school or in highschool. S Freud said it's with her father. I know it's twisted in the sense we socially accept romance, but, if you don't believe me, you are free to search for the stages of psychological defelopment in children. boys love their moms as girls love their dads in a kind of a sexual way. as they are able to do as children. if the father of a girl is a fuckup, then, as a subconscious model, she will most probably end up with fuckups herself later.
so there you have it: why good girls love bad guys, BC their fathers were so!
but there certainly is much more to talk about in here.
good luck and may the Force be with you ;)
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