Monday, July 4, 2011

APRS is a Powerful, Contagious Disease That must be Stopped

Let me tell you about this horrible disease my parents have. This disease is so incurable, it makes cancer look like a flu. You can have one of the best doctors and scientist from Harvard, Yale, Stanford in a lab, and I can still guarantee you that they will never discover a cure. I know scientist have spend many hours researching, manipulating, and splicing complex genes to find the critical source of this disease, but there's no hope. It's been so many years, and no one has found the cure, and it's spreading at the speed of light. This horrendous disease that plague all our love ones is none other than the Asian Parents Retarded Syndrome (APRS), it's extremely contagious, it leaves your parents needy, annoying, and stupid.

You don't believe me, well I'm happy to show you some dumbass conversations.

My dad, the Fashion Guru

Dad bought me this purse that looks like light vomit/diarrhea. I kindly accepted the gift and compliment it to make him happy :)

dad: Hey Hilda I got you this expensive $200 bag

me: oh thanks, it looks really nice, you are very good at picking fashionable things

mom: Hilda, don't lie to your dad, you know it looks like a bag that a blind 78 year old woman would carry around her arm

me (whispers to mom): I know, I don't want to hurt his feelings

dad: You know what, I'm a fashion expert, I know what looks good and not, and frankly Hilda, I don't like what you are wearing. I don't like your boots, your shorts, and your shirt, it's not good enough. If you listen to me, you will be beautiful.

My parents know how to be generous and get what they want

We were at 99 ranch store, an Asian supermarket filled with asians :)

Mom: hey Hilda do you like this rice cooker

me: huh, I don't know, it's $50

Mom: Yea but do you like it

me: I don't know, I guess

Mom: Then I'm going to buy it

dad: why are you buying a $50 rice cooker?

mom: Hilda wants it really really bad. We should buy whatever our kids want because it shows we are good parents.

dad: Hey umm Hilda what do you think about this box of mangos

me: it's $30

dad: do you like it

me: I don't know, I guess

dad: then we are buying it. See we are wonderful parents, we buy whatever our kid want.

APRS spread to another parent
another parent: Hey Hilda I was wondering if you want to go watch the fireworks with me in the park

me: umm I'm kind of tired, no thank you

another parent: look it's really beautiful firework

mom: Oh wow, we should really go

another parents: I know because Hilda wants to go really bad. Yea that's it, Hilda we are only going to the park to see fireworks because you really wanted to go

me: ummm, I don't remember saying that

mom: i agree, let's go because Hilda wants to

me: hold up, if you guys want to go see fireworks, then you should go regardless of what I think.

another parents: oh you mistaken, I don't care for fireworks, I see it all the time

mom: exactly, fireworks are very common, we want to go because you want to witness it

me: I did?? why am I not aware of it

Dressing conservatively

mom: I really wish you wear less clothes

me: I don't think it's a good idea

mom: why

me: I'm just being respectful, I don't want to wear tight skimpy clothes in front of the family

mom: why not

me: it's a sign of disrespect for the asian community. Wouldn't you think it would be a dishonor to get molested by your own family member

mom: I guess, but I think it be a good idea for you to wear less clothes in front of family, and more clothes in front of your own boyfriend and friends.

me: hell no, i will be a social outcast

mom: your friends are more likely to rape you, ya know

me: yea I'm sure that is in Megan and Laura's "to do" list

mom: but sexy clothes in front of family shows your are beautiful

me: and ready to fuck right :)

mom: why is everythng about sex for you

me: "smiles," just know that I love and respect you mom, even though you make it hard for

me to do so sometimes

The Gardener kills dogs

me: I notice the gardener is here more often, does he have time for our neighbor?

mom: oh we forgot to tell you, he put some weird chemicals in their garden, and it killed their

dog. They said something about law suit or whatever, but he's not working for them anymore

me: aren't you guys concern that he could kill our dog

dad: nah, nobody can kill tux, he's indestructible. The good part is, the gardener can spend more time on our garden, isn't that great.

me: hmmm, you're not the least bit concern about what happened to the neighbor's dog

dad: nope, tux is glued to you 24/7, it wouldn't be a problem

me: not if tux goes poo

mom: I'm sure he will be fine, you know how overly zealous our neighbors are about their pets, a dead dog equals to a law suit, people these days take things too seriously.

me: You notice how practically all our neighbors own dogs and they don't use this particular gardener that we use. Does that by any chance mean anything to you guys??

dad: dude, did you see our neighbor's german shepherd, they look so cool

By the way


Anonymous said...

Happy 4th to you Hilda!

Haha your post made me laugh. Especially your dad being a fashion guru and the one about the rice cooker. Are your parents really like that? And did those dialogues really take place?

Reply to your comment on my blogpost:
I was thinking about transferring out for almost 3 years but my dad didn't think it was a good idea so I stuck around the dumb school. I'm almost finished so it would be a shame to leave although I wouldn't like anything better than to do that. And thank you so much.


Nur Diyanah Magness said...

That was a refreshing read, Hilda! I enjoyed it much...really good reality humor. Keep up the great blogging.

Anonymous said...

nyahahah. yeah, they could a bit painful alright

Samantha Bangayan said...

HAHA! =) I can't believe those stories you shared, Hilda! =) Your parents sound awesome. Thankfully, my parents don't have this syndrome... yet? =P They're Asian, so maybe they'll catch it some day! =P

Cubicw86 said...

hey there everyone,

@tamyr: oh yea, everything took place. My parents are really that dumb. Thank god you don't have to go through hell the way I do
@Nur: thanx for reading, I will do my best to create more funny post.
@love2type: I agree
@Samanatha: No way, my parents are not awsome, and yours will catch the syndrome, just you wait.
thanks for commenting :)
love and kisses always and forever

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