Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Fighting My Own Demons

I'm very prone to hallucinations especially during stressful times. That is why I leave my lamp on after turning off the light. If another person is there with me, then I wouldn't mind sleeping in complete darkness. If I go to sleep alone with the lights completely off, I would hallucinate weird demonic figures and as a result I wouldn't get any sleep. I really want to get help, but my parents are against psychiatric medicine. My dad always tell me, if you hallucinate just ignore it, and it will go away.

Recently, I been having these hallucinations that are driving me crazy. One morning I woke up with a 70 pound German shepherd on my bed. I could even feel the pressure on the bed and the presence of the dog. She was gentle, but frightening at the same time, and then she vanished. At first i thought it was post traumatic stress disorder, where I relieve the experience of my dog getting hit by a car, but I realize it was something more than that. I had dreams about dog like figures and wolves appearing. I had very strange hallucination from time to time of a wolf randomly appearing in my room. I feel like these hallucinations mean something very important. They are very majestic hallucination, and I know they meant something meaningful. Since I promise my parents that I wouldn't see a psychiatrist, I decided to battle my own demons.

I did something dangerous, I decided to stress myself out and isolate myself, so I can see the dog and the wolf, and to know why they been showing up recently.
I guess this is another journey to self-madness, but it's time I truly look these hallucination in the eye and really talk to them.


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