Let me tell you about this horrible disease my parents have. This disease is so incurable, it makes cancer look like a flu. You can have one of the best doctors and scientist from Harvard, Yale, Stanford in a lab, and I can still guarantee you that they will never discover a cure. I know scientist have spend many hours researching, manipulating, and splicing complex genes to find the critical source of this disease, but there's no hope. It's been so many years, and no one has found the cure, and it's spreading at the speed of light. This horrendous disease that plague all our love ones is none other than the Asian Parents Retarded Syndrome (APRS), it's extremely contagious, it leaves your parents needy, annoying, and stupid.
You don't believe me, well I'm happy to show you some dumbass conversations.
My dad, the Fashion Guru
Dad bought me this purse that looks like light vomit/diarrhea. I kindly accepted the gift and compliment it to make him happy :)
dad: Hey Hilda I got you this expensive $200 bag
me: oh thanks, it looks really nice, you are very good at picking fashionable things
mom: Hilda, don't lie to your dad, you know it looks like a bag that a blind 78 year old woman would carry around her arm
me (whispers to mom): I know, I don't want to hurt his feelings
dad: You know what, I'm a fashion expert, I know what looks good and not, and frankly Hilda, I don't like what you are wearing. I don't like your boots, your shorts, and your shirt, it's not good enough. If you listen to me, you will be beautiful.
My parents know how to be generous and get what they want
We were at 99 ranch store, an Asian supermarket filled with asians :)
Mom: hey Hilda do you like this rice cooker
me: huh, I don't know, it's $50
Mom: Yea but do you like it
me: I don't know, I guess
Mom: Then I'm going to buy it
dad: why are you buying a $50 rice cooker?
mom: Hilda wants it really really bad. We should buy whatever our kids want because it shows we are good parents.
dad: Hey umm Hilda what do you think about this box of mangos
me: it's $30
dad: do you like it
me: I don't know, I guess
dad: then we are buying it. See we are wonderful parents, we buy whatever our kid want.
APRS spread to another parent
another parent: Hey Hilda I was wondering if you want to go watch the fireworks with me in the park
me: umm I'm kind of tired, no thank you
another parent: look it's really beautiful firework
mom: Oh wow, we should really go
another parents: I know because Hilda wants to go really bad. Yea that's it, Hilda we are only going to the park to see fireworks because you really wanted to go
me: ummm, I don't remember saying that
mom: i agree, let's go because Hilda wants to
me: hold up, if you guys want to go see fireworks, then you should go regardless of what I think.
another parents: oh you mistaken, I don't care for fireworks, I see it all the time
mom: exactly, fireworks are very common, we want to go because you want to witness it
me: I did?? why am I not aware of it
Dressing conservatively
mom: I really wish you wear less clothes
me: I don't think it's a good idea
mom: why
me: I'm just being respectful, I don't want to wear tight skimpy clothes in front of the family
mom: why not
me: it's a sign of disrespect for the asian community. Wouldn't you think it would be a dishonor to get molested by your own family member
mom: I guess, but I think it be a good idea for you to wear less clothes in front of family, and more clothes in front of your own boyfriend and friends.
me: hell no, i will be a social outcast
mom: your friends are more likely to rape you, ya know
me: yea I'm sure that is in Megan and Laura's "to do" list
mom: but sexy clothes in front of family shows your are beautiful
me: and ready to fuck right :)
mom: why is everythng about sex for you
me: "smiles," just know that I love and respect you mom, even though you make it hard for
me to do so sometimes
The Gardener kills dogs
me: I notice the gardener is here more often, does he have time for our neighbor?
mom: oh we forgot to tell you, he put some weird chemicals in their garden, and it killed their
dog. They said something about law suit or whatever, but he's not working for them anymore
me: aren't you guys concern that he could kill our dog
dad: nah, nobody can kill tux, he's indestructible. The good part is, the gardener can spend more time on our garden, isn't that great.
me: hmmm, you're not the least bit concern about what happened to the neighbor's dog
dad: nope, tux is glued to you 24/7, it wouldn't be a problem
me: not if tux goes poo
mom: I'm sure he will be fine, you know how overly zealous our neighbors are about their pets, a dead dog equals to a law suit, people these days take things too seriously.
me: You notice how practically all our neighbors own dogs and they don't use this particular gardener that we use. Does that by any chance mean anything to you guys??
dad: dude, did you see our neighbor's german shepherd, they look so cool
By the way
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5 comments:
Happy 4th to you Hilda!
Haha your post made me laugh. Especially your dad being a fashion guru and the one about the rice cooker. Are your parents really like that? And did those dialogues really take place?
Reply to your comment on my blogpost:
I was thinking about transferring out for almost 3 years but my dad didn't think it was a good idea so I stuck around the dumb school. I'm almost finished so it would be a shame to leave although I wouldn't like anything better than to do that. And thank you so much.
xx
That was a refreshing read, Hilda! I enjoyed it much...really good reality humor. Keep up the great blogging.
nyahahah. yeah, they could a bit painful alright
HAHA! =) I can't believe those stories you shared, Hilda! =) Your parents sound awesome. Thankfully, my parents don't have this syndrome... yet? =P They're Asian, so maybe they'll catch it some day! =P
hey there everyone,
@tamyr: oh yea, everything took place. My parents are really that dumb. Thank god you don't have to go through hell the way I do
@Nur: thanx for reading, I will do my best to create more funny post.
@love2type: I agree
@Samanatha: No way, my parents are not awsome, and yours will catch the syndrome, just you wait.
thanks for commenting :)
love and kisses always and forever
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