Tuesday, April 26, 2011

My flight to California



My flight to California can be summed up in one word "embarrassing." Since I have two connecting flights, boredom was bound to happen. I decided to turn my lap top on and explore some games on the computer. I found some exciting, adventurous, brain challenging games, but I didn't play those because I was stupid. I had to play the ones that doesn't require any mental stimulation. The game focuses on this bar that has a ball on it. Your goal is to use the bar to hit the balls, so it can knock out blocks. You only gain a level up if you knock out all the blocks, but if you don't catch the ball with the bar, then you will lose a life. I don't know why this was so entertaining, but it kept me going throughout the whole flight. I was so into the game that every time I missed the ball, I would grunt loudly and angrily. After hours of shear fun, I was able to reach level 9, and I have one more block to break in order to reach level ten. Unfortunately, I only have one life left so I gotta make it or break. My fingers slipped so I missed the ball resulting in anger and frustration. I end up yelling at my laptop,"OMG you are so fucked up and certainly born without an ass." After letting out all my anger, I realize that all eyes were on me. The parents behind me and next to me weren't too thrill when their daughters asked them what an ass was.

My parents and their friend picked me up from the airport, and of course mom getting teary eyes hugged the shit out of me. Dad trying to look tough as usual, but we all know he misses me like crazy. We went to a Chinese restaurant and order food that can feed ten families in Africa, I ate so much that I needed to use the bathroom to do a number 2. Unfortunately, I can never do a number 2 in a public restroom, it just feels weird knowing that other people in the bathroom can hear you gas out. I decided to be a lady and wait till we get home so I can let them suckers out. Dinner took a long time because the conversation about food and life was so entertaining. I was still able to held in Mr. Hankey, but I can feel it's head trying to pop out. I was anxious to get in the car, but my dad wanted to go grocery shopping at 99 ranch. He went in, but didn't find what he was looking for so he went somewhere else. After a half an hour, I just felt an enormous amount of pressure building up, and my stomach expanded twice the size. I tried so hard to hold that sucker in because we have friends sitting in the car, but it wasn't helping when the car kept running over stuff. I clench my ass cheeks hoping to hold on to every bit of myself. Let me tell you one thing, clenching the ass cheeks was the worst idea invented by any man kind who don't want to fuck up their date because they wanted to shiet real bad. The gas accumulated inside, ricochet in my ass cheeks, and went out through my butt resulting in the loudest fart in the world. I tried to blame it on my dad, but the vile smell came from me, so I was pretty much caught red handed.
After grueling hours of embarrassment, I finally came home. I rushed to the bathroom to let out the freaken turd that was clinging inside of me. I was shocked to find out my turd wasn't that big, I was looking forward to a big surprise but I guess not. I felt so dirty that I decided to take a shower. I looked over and realize the maid had broken the shower handle, so I decided to ask my dad to help me fix it. My dad was so thrill to flaunt his fixing skills, that he came in with all his fancy guy tool box stuff. He was measuring and drilling, but instead of fixing the handle, he made a big hole in the shower. Then my mom popped in and said "it's alright honey, you can use the guest bathroom to shower." I thought it wasn't a big deal, when I discover loads of pubic hair in the soap. Luckily I had extra soap so I didn't have to deal with anything attach to the genitals, I came out clean and refresh, also relieved that I survived the night.

2 comments:

kaitlyn said...

You are cute, are you Chinese?

Cubicw86 said...

Yup, I'm pure Chinese :)

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