Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Changes sigh!!!

I realize my life has no stability, it's always about changes, changes, and more changes. Human beings thrive successfully with stability, where life is the same routine every single day. I want stability, I want to be with the same person every day, to be able to wake up in the morning in the same room and go to sleep at night knowing that I will wake up in the same room. Unfortunately, I don't have that option anymore, I been living life without a designated home for 3 straight years, traveling to east coast, west coast, and the south, then out of the states. every time I get use to a place, I end up leaving it to go to another place, and now I'm left with an empty feeling.
As I'm sitting here in the Houston Airport, I have this bitter sweet feeling inside of me. I been going through whirlwinds and adventure with the man of my dreams for many months, and now we have to be distance apart. It kills me that I have to leave the person I love so dearly every second for obligations in life. It's a train wreck knowing that you are born without any freedom or stability in your life. Sometimes I want to drop everything and just live in a little apartment with him forever, but that will do more harm than good. It's just horrible that we have to spend our twenties distance apart, but on the bright side atlease we will spend eternity together without financial problems or constraints.

I guess in my thirties when my metabolism level slows down like a turtle and all I want to do is sleep all day, I will thank my twenties for taking the beating so I can make a six figure salary on a 9-5 job. After all the twenties is the time to fly, explore, be reckless, be smart, and be everything that you can possibly be. Then again, these days people give up on life right after college, it's like some weird cosmic thing just zap the excitement out of their heads. It's like all the doors that have once been opened, are now closed, and those eager young college grads have no where to go. I don't expect doors to be opened for me in life, I'm the girl with a grenade, and expects the door to blow up after I light that sucker on fire. I guess what happen in college was that everyone I knew were so lucky to the point where all the opportunities were open to them. Then after college, for some strange reason "cough recession" every oppotunities people have just shut down, and now the thrill and excitement of strengthening your career becomes "I will settle for anything, would you like fries with that order."
Hmm, I guess changes in life isn't so bad after all. Changes like traveling, business, new faces, etc. is actually the mark of transition for any twenty year old. It is the excitement of climbing the ladder and actually getting closer to the top. Maybe all these traveling is actually a good thing for me, I've seen things that people have never seen in their every day lives. For example, I heard a nun fart in the woman's bathroom, have any of you guys get to hear the holy gas, I don't think so. What can I say God is giving me a gassy sign to keep going, it may seem like an endless journey, but in fact, it's a journey with a great destination.


Anonymous said...

I agree. It sucks that you guys have to be apart for so long, but sometimes you have to make these sacrifices for a secure future. I don't exactly know what the situation is, but I trust that you know what's right for you and that you handle towards it.

These are just a few of life's icky situations we all get to deal with. Some different than others, but the lesson is that we have to push through even when we don't see a light.

It'll get better some day. I truly believe that. I like your positive outlook towards this.

Cubicw86 said...

thank you so much tamyr, you are very encouraging.
Sometimes it's so difficult when I see other couple living together, it makes me wish that I could do that. But I agree, we all have to move on and do things we don't like to secure a better future.

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